Long Live Rajesh Khanna

Rajesh Khanna, the person, may have died. But Rajesh Khanna, the Actor, will live forever in our hearts. I fail to understand why we have to tarnish an actor’s achievements by talking about his prsonal failures. Who does not have any weakness? An actor is also a human.

Besides being a style icon of his time, Rajesh Khanna touched millions of hearts through his glittering body of work. In Anand, he taught us how to face death with a smile. In Bawarchi, he persuaded us to treasure small pleasures of everyday life. In Aavishkar, he fathomed the root cause of discontent in married life. In Dushman, he showed a way forward for a hard-core criminal. In Aaradhana, he transformed love into a divine worship. In Amar Prem, he challenged social taboos. In Namakharam, he juxtaposed friendship with duty. The list is long. But the fact remains that he entertained us in the most meaningful ways.

We should remember him only through his touching screen roles, just as we remember Shakespeare through his writings, Picasso through his paintings and Mozart through his music. This alone would stand the test of time.

God, Tusi Great Ho

Yesterday, I saw Salman Khan starrer movie, “God, Tusi Great Ho”. I found the main storyline quite inspiring.

The protagonist, Salman, lived a humble life full of problems. His father was retired, he was fired from his job, his sister was not getting married due to spots on her face, his fiancé was attracted to his colleague who was more successful, etc. He kept cursing God for such injustice, which he also saw in the lives of many others around him. One day, God called him to a hotel for a heart-to-heart discussion. Salman told God that He was unable to manage the world, as there was so much misery in everyone’s life. God, then, agreed to give all His powers to Salman for a period of 10 days to manage the world as he wishes.

Salman spent first 9 days fixing his own problems. God, then, reminded him that he was left with only 1 day and he had not yet done anything for the world. He then started listening to the prayers of other people. Soon, his ears were bursting with a cacophony of sound, as he found everyone in the world praying for something or the other. He realised that even if he were to give 1 sec per person, he would not complete listening to everyone’s prayer in the remaining one day. So he granted everyone’s prayer en-mass without listening. He slept well that night with the thought that he had made the whole world happy.

But, shocks greeted him the very next morning. His sister, who was transformed into a beautiful woman, married an undeserving person who had prayed for her. His fiancé, who had decided to marry him, changed her mind as his friend had prayed for her. A beggar became dog-like, as he always used to pray for the life of a dog, whom he often saw living in luxury. His friend, who prayed for a motorbike, ran over a pedestrian after getting a motorbike. All criminals were released from the jail, as they had prayed for their release. Chaos and anarchy prevailed in the world. Seeing all this, he again cried for help from God.

God reappeared before him. He confessed that he didn’t anticipate the consequences of granting every prayer. He pleaded God to correct all the wrongs that he had caused. God said it was not possible, as whatever had happened was now past and the past could not be changed. But, when he persisted with his request, God offered to reverse everything as they were ten days before. That meant he would again be job-less, his sister with facial problem, and his fiancé abandoning him. He readily accepted saying, “Everyone’s real welfare is in whatever they have got. Asking for other than that is asking for trouble.” While parting, he asked how he can meet Him again. God replied, “You can see me in everyone.” The protagonist went on to make peace with everyone and everything around him. He even won back his fiancé by exposing the cunning ways of his colleague at work. When his fiancé commented how mean his colleague was, he saw God in him and said he was an angel who caused their reunion.

How little we humans know about our welfare? Everybody and everything in the world are interconnected. Misfortune of one can be a fortune for the other. Good and bad are two sides of the same coin. What we consider ‘bad’ today may turn out to be a stepping stone for some long term ‘good’. Indeed, it is impossible to know what lies ahead. In the absence of ‘Big Picture’, it is best to pass on the responsibility of controlling the future to that almighty God who has created this Big Picture and knows what’s good for whom.

Living - An Inside Job

Khalil Gibran tells a story: “Once, a humble man from a small village was visiting a foreign land. He didn’t know the language or culture of that land. He passed by a gate through which many people were passing. Filled with curiosity, he also entered. It was a famous restaurant. People were eating at different tables. He thought it was a place where visitors are welcome and treated at state cost. He also sat on a table and had a hearty meal. When someone came with the bill, he thought he was being honoured with a certificate for visiting that place. He thanked the person and started to leave. When he was taken to the owner for not paying the bill, he thought the owner was personally thanking him for the visit. He was taken to the court, whereupon he thought he was receiving state honour. He was asked to be taken on a donkey with a placard saying, “I am a thief.” While on the march through the streets, he was filled with unparallel joy of being accorded such a great honour by this country. The only thing that pinched him was that there was no body from his own country to witness this celebration. At this moment, he spotted his country man in the crowd. But, he soon disappeared in the crowd, fearing any association with this man, who was being ridiculed and humiliated. However, this man thought that his country man was jealous of his achievement.”

This man in the story was clearly living in his own world. We may laugh at him, but the fact remains that each one of us lives in his/her own respective world and considers it real. The world is what we perceive through our five senses.

If our senses are so critical in defining the world, then let’s scientifically investigate how these senses work. Light from an object enters our eyes, subject to their inherent limitations, and projects an image inside the dark chamber of our brain after processing millions of bits of information in a blink. This image is then subjected to cognition based on past impressions, values, expectations, interest, understanding, etc. Thus, a visual perception of the object is formed in our minds. Can everyone, looking at the same object, claim to have perceived the same object? Thus, no one can say for sure what, in reality, is that object. Similar phenomenon takes place with each of the other senses. What we hear is not what everyone else hears. What we smell is not what everyone else smells. What we taste is not what everyone else tastes. And, what we feel on touching is not what everyone else feels. Therefore, in reality, everyone perceives a world of one’s own inside one’s own brain.

Our senses can never tell us what the real thing is. It is absurd to fight, compete, feel jealous or get angry over things that are not real and mere creation of our own minds in our own little worlds. But, since we co-exist with others and have to perform certain duties in this so called world, we have to use whatever our senses bring to us. The first thing that we must do with our perceptions is not to take them seriously, as they never give the real picture. With this attitude, we can live in this world lightheartedly, as if playing a game. No doubt, we play to win. But, we must play a fair game. Those who cheat spoil the very fun in the game and add stress for themselves. Further, we should maintain a deep understanding that both winning and losing have no meaning in the end. After all it is only a game, and the real thing is to enjoy playing this game. Don’t we applaud the opponent for a nice shot, even if missed by us?

Living, essentially, is an inside job. We, no doubt, exist together, but live alone in our own worlds. The more we focus on the perceptions and consider them real, the less we live. Those, who spend their lives fighting for supremacy in such a world, miss the opportunity to live. The real fight is within, where great transformation can take place for every individual. The real yardstick is our internal growth based on our own internal benchmark. All external benchmarks are mere illusions, which ultimately result in frustrations. No one has ever achieved them, nor will anyone ever achieve. We are shrouded by layers of dark mysteries. Where did we come from and where will we go? What exactly happens in death, which will take away everything that we fear of losing now? Who, essentially, are we and why are we born? However hard we may try to avoid such questions by indulging in the world, they would continue to haunt us in our private moments. The answers are so subjective that no book or person can share. They can, at best, give powerful indications. We have to find on our own by contemplating upon these questions within, while playing a fair game in the outside world. We shall intuitively know when the right answers appear.  Like an onion, we have to peel layer-by-layer each veil of secrecy. With the fall of every veil, we will be filled with unparallel joy, which will culminate in the everlasting bliss when the real identity or source reveals itself. Such, I believe, is the meaningful living. 

Green with Envy

Someone once said, “The reason we are unhappy is because our neighbour seems to be happier than us.” The article (“Do You Shrivel when your friends succeed?”Wknd. 18May 2012) expertly uncovered the green-eyed monster within all of us. However, I am not prepared to take comfort in the fact that we’re wired to react this way. I am reminded of an incident when my kids were very small. Once they returned from school and, while showing their work, they proudly said so and so got an ‘A’ for his work. “How come?” I enquired. They simply said, “He is better.” I didn’t see any hint of envy in their words or on their faces. At that age, we were all like that. Surely then, this green-eyed monster entered our psyche much later when we lost our innocence and joined the rat-race. 

We now measure our success by comparing with others’ possessions. This is a never-ending chase. We may sometimes get momentary happiness by defeating our compatriot, but soon thereafter gloom will return as we train our eyes on other high achievers. Nature didn’t want us to live like this. In her garden, a lily is never envious of a rose. They both enjoy blooming to their own unique potentials. Likewise, each one of us is special and carries at least one unique talent, which no one else has. Our real success should be in uncovering this uniqueness within, which is incomparable and hence free from any envy whatsoever.

My Way or Highway

Recently, while discussing on the subject of marriage, a young girl commented, “Today’s times are different from yours. Our expectations and aspirations are multifarious. We cannot say ‘yes’ only after a brief meeting with the prospective partner, leaving everything to chance or destiny. Trust between young couples is a rare commodity now. Cheating on partner is rampant and break-up soon after marriage is quite common. We need to verify all aspects of the future partner and ensure that he is the ‘right’ guy before saying ‘yes’.”

I asked, “How would you define the ‘right’ guy? Can the rightness of a guy be ever measured or ensured?”

However, observations of the young girl are worth contemplating. It is true that today’s youngsters don’t want to leave anything to chance when it comes to marriage. They like to have long courtship before making-up their minds. Even ‘live-in’ relationship has found legal sanctions in some countries. Internet has opened flood-gate of information. You can instantly find quite a lot about anyone through Face book, LinkedIn or other social networking sites. However, despite these initiatives, marriages are breaking-up at alarming rate, as observed by the young girl. There are many examples, wherein couples married after a long courtship or ‘live-in’ relationship only to divorce soon thereafter. It is as though so much more knowledge about the prospective partner is becoming counterproductive. Why is it so?

Meetings during the courtship period are always short and sweet. Each person expresses only the best in him/her during these meetings. An excessive dose of these meetings raise their expectations from each other to a very high level – almost unrealistic. So much good is already known about each other that hardly anything is left to surprise them after marriage and add fun. Left to surprise are only negative aspects, which hardly get revealed during the courtship period. May be the person snores in sleep, or his/her body smells without a deodorant, or has a bad temperament, or has some un-hygienic habit, etc. Notwithstanding the fact that no one is made-up of only good stuff, no one wants his/her partner to have any negative attribute. Such people are sure to suffer huge shocks when they start living together 24x7. Also, during courtship, their mutual tolerance is hardly put to any test. Each one is busy pampering other’s desires. This gives rise to the feeling, “My way is the only way.” Life after marriage is a different ball game, where mutual tolerance is the cornerstone of success. But, these young couples enter the marriage with the attitude of ‘My way or Highway’. Divorce is not far-off in such marriages.

Unfortunately, there is no single formula in choosing a partner and conducting in marriage. Everyone must find his/her own approach. However, some guidelines based on age-old wisdoms would surely be of help. Of course, one has to start with browsing through bio-data and pictures. But, mind must not be allowed to get paralyzed by the overwhelming information and lack of clarity on what you are looking for. Once you have short-listed some proposals which passed your selection criteria, it is time to start meeting them in person. While meeting a prospective partner, let the heart do the talking. Look for subtle signs and gut feelings. Don’t allow the logical mind to interfere, as it has the habit of throwing doubts on whatever you feel. If you don’t get any resonance with the person in the first few meetings, chances are you will never get. It is not necessary to know everything about the person. The most important thing is to feel comfortable in his/her company and get a feeling of trust deep within. This feeling must transcend any physical attraction, which is normally felt in such meetings. Finally, you must trust the power that controls the entire universe and never falters. It can see the big picture and hence better decide what is good for all in order to run the universe perfectly. Having done your part, you must surrender to the belief: “Only what is good for me will prevail in the end, no matter how tortuous the path may be.”

On the day of marriage, although man and woman are pronounced husband and wife, making wife out of a lady or husband out of a man is a life-time job. Accepting each other as they are is the vital starting point. Forcing one’s expectations on the other is disastrous. With time, great transformation will come in both partners if they give-up the notion of ‘my way’ and adopt ‘our way’ notion in every day-to-day transaction. When each partner is taking care of other’s happiness, both are bound to remain happy. Living together is a team-work. Both partners should complement each other in their respective areas of strengths and weaknesses, instead of competing and complaining. Learning will never stop and every learning will give joy. Life together will, indeed, be a joy ride on the highway of marriage.