Almost everyone is
subjected to sadness in life. The frequency and duration of sadness may vary
from person to person. But hardly anyone can claim to be free from sadness all
the time. Does it mean that it is not possible to be free from sadness? To
answer this question, we need to conduct a Root Cause Analysis of ‘Sadness’.
Sadness usually comes
when we are faced with an unpleasant or undesirable situation, which we cannot
change, such as a failure to achieve certain objectives. We often consider
‘pain’ and ‘sorrow’ similarly, although both are poles apart. Pain is born out
of a factual or natural happening, such as a fall or a cut. But, this pain
turns into sorrow when we refuse to accept this happening of a fall or a cut as
an unchangeable fact. Instead, we get into thinking ‘why didn’t I take
precaution or why did I do this activity at all’. In the process, we start
blaming either ourselves or others, including inert objects or nature. Such thinking
does not remove the pain, but leads to sadness. Sadness, therefore, is the
result of a mechanical ‘REACTION’ of the mind to an unpleasant or undesirable
happening, which we failed to accept as unchangeable fact. We are often not
conscious of this ‘reaction’ and hence cannot control it. Continuing on this
path of uncontrolled thinking for a long time, sadness further deepens and
turns into depression.
Since reaction does not
take permission of the conscious mind, all the knowledge and wisdom becomes
useless. Naturally, therefore, such reaction leaves us angry and frustrated
with ourselves. We are often found blaming ourselves, “How could I react in
such a horrible and uncivilized manner?”
On the other hand, if
we accept the fact of ‘a fall’ or ‘a cut’, which can no longer be changed, then
we will ‘ACT’ accordingly and immediately to heal the wound and remove the pain,
thus eliminating the root cause of a possible future sadness. This is true not
only in case of a physical pain, but also any emotional pain arising out of a
disappointment or any other situations in life.
When two people fight
or argue, both refuse to accept each other as they are. Both wish that the
other person behave in a different manner. As a result, both become sad after
the fight.
The question now is
“Can I stop myself from reacting mechanically when faced with an undesirable or
unpleasant situation?” Answer is simply, “No, because of my old habits.” However,
certain steps can be taken to break this habit of uncontrolled thinking and
start looking at the factual situation as it is. These steps are:
- While reacting to any unpleasant or
undesirable situation, simply become aware that “I have refused to accept a fact
or factual situation.”
- Also become aware that “I have indulged
into mechanical thinking.”
- As soon as mind raises a question or
statement on an undesirable situation (e.g. “I lost my job.”), put a full stop
after this question or statement, thus accepting it as a fact. If mind raises
further counter argument (e.g. “But, my colleagues much older to me have not
lost their jobs.”), again put a full stop after that argument and accept that
also as a fact that cannot be changed. This practice must continue until mind
gives-up throwing any new argument or question. Every time we put a full stop,
we cut the food supply to the reactive mind, which survives on unbroken
thoughts-stream. This practice of putting a ‘full stop’ after every statement
the reactive mind makes will stop us from becoming ‘sad’. Eventually, the
reactive mind will get exhausted and allow the conscious mind to take ‘ACTION’
appropriate to the accepted fact or factual situation. And the ACTION alone can
take us out of the unpleasant or undesirable situation.
