Art of Decision Making

Often, we think that decision making is saying “Yes” to an option. In reality, it is just the opposite. The root Latin of the word decision literally means, “to cut off.” Making a decision is about “cutting off” choices – cutting you off from some other course of action. It is first saying “No” to those options that would not lead us to success and then saying “Yes” to the remaining one that has highest probability of resulting in success.

In day-to-day living, we are taking decisions all the time. However, our decision making mostly happens unconsciously. We are driving and phone rings. Hands automatically go for the phone. We sit down to eat, and hands automatically go for the TV remote. It is as if we are living on an auto-pilot mode. The problem with such living is that we are unable to say “No” to all those things that distract us from the path of growth, success and happiness in life.

What we need is to be conscious of what we are doing moment-to-moment. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, in his book “Flow”, says that human mind cannot process more than 110 bits of information per second. He further says that you need to process 60 bits of information per second to fully understand what someone is saying. Because of this limitation, we cannot understand more than 2 people talking.

We have often been told to pay attention to what we are doing, as if attention is some kind of money which we can be paid. Nature, indeed, empowers us with an attention currency of 110 bits of information every second. The question then is where and how are we spending this currency. When we are on the ‘auto-pilot’ mode of living, this precious currency is squandered by engaging in multiple worthless tasks such as regretting about past actions which cannot be changed or worrying about the future which is not yet born.

Being conscious in a moment means fully attentive – ability to use all of 110 bits of information on a given task in that moment. Mihaly calls this a state of “ecstasy”, when you lose yourself in the moment and you are said to be “in the flow”. All great works of science, art and literature have come out of this ‘flow’. When you are so attentive every moment of your life, you would be able to say “No” to all the worthless thoughts and temptations before they take possession of your mind and drive you towards actions that cannot result in growth, success and happiness in life.

Decide wisely, decide consciously and decide moment-to-moment.

Friend and Foe

I am my friend, I am my foe

Lightly I take any temptation

Allow it to live and grow

Slowly it gains power

And, I let it flow

Gripped by the force of Desire

All cautions I throw

Got to have it

Only thought that flow

Can’t get it

Anger arise and blow

Burning with rage

Ready to tear and torpedo

If I get, I want more

Greed, pride, fear and jealousy dance a tango

Had I paused and questioned the temptation

Are you going to make my heart glow?

Many temptations may quietly leave

And, those passing the test, I endow

Love, Compassion, Charity and Devotion

Flowering my life with gusto

I am my friend, I am my foe

Who I am?

I don’t know who I am

Husband, Brother, Friend and Foe

Change is constant wherever I go

Son I was, Grandpa I am

I don’t know who I am

Infant, Child, Adult and Old

Sometime silver, sometime gold

Tiny born, Tall I am

I don’t know who I am

Success, Failure, Loss and Win

All of them, I have seen

Chasing happiness, Content I am

I don’t know who I am

Greed, Anger, Worry and Hope

Always visiting mental home

My Heart says, Love I am

I don’t know who I am

Born in India, now in Bahrain

I have walked long in rain

Dependent I was, Independent I am

I don’t know who I am

Whatever you call me, I am not

Whatever I am, you know not

I may not know, who I am

But I know, I am

Happiness Formula

Who doesn’t want to be happy? We seek happiness in and through all our activities consciously or unconsciously. However, everyone defines happiness in his/her own way. Martin Seligman, founder of the Positive Psychology, defines happiness through the following formula:

Happiness = Pleasure + Engagement + Meaning

Pleasure is the lowest form of happiness. It is derived from fulfilling base desires mostly connected with the sense objects. You feel pleasure when you eat your desired chocolate. But this pleasure doesn’t last long. Also, it follows the law of diminishing returns. Your pleasure starts reducing as you eat more chocolates. This type of happiness is short-lived and often ends in misery.

Engagement involves others and beyond your own basic desires. It brings greater joy. When you are engaged in a sport or social activity, you feel much happier than simply eating a chocolate. Engagement may start with working for your family’s welfare. But as you enlarge your area of engagement, the happiness also increases. However, even this happiness may wear off with time as you feel exhausted. Ego plays at subtle levels looking for recognition at the least from such engagements.

Meaning is following your own internal calling. Every atom has a place and purpose in the universe. Try to identify what is your innermost calling and then pursue that in and through all your activities. All great people found their respective callings and invested their entire lives following it. Chade-Meng Tan of Google has found meaning in making the whole world happy through his successful in-house course “Search Inside Yourself” within Google (now also available in form of a book).

Many of us fail to find our inner calling. There is an easier way to find it. Start listing what is not your inner calling by putting down a desirous activity and then listening to your heart. That which doesn’t ring a bell in the heart is not your inner calling. This process of elimination will ultimately lead to that which resonates with your heart and in line with your conscience.

Those following their callings see deeper meaning in what they do - much beyond selfish desires and goals. Working with such frame of mind doesn’t drain your energy. On the other hand, you become a dynamo of energy. Happiness arising out of such pursuit is the highest and ever-lasting.

Art of Listening and Learning

Any effective communication or learning starts with ‘listening’ or ‘reading’. Listening is not mere hearing. In Tibetans monastery, ‘pot’ analogy is given to explain listening.

If you want to fill a pot with clean water, following three conditions must be satisfied:

1.  The pot must not be kept upside down. No water can enter a pot which is not rightly positioned. Similarly, the listener must pay attention to the speaker. If one’s attention is somewhere else or wandering in different directions, nothing will be received or will be received in bits and pieces which is worse than not listening at all.
2. The pot must not be dirty. If it is dirty, the water will also get dirty as soon as it enters the pot. Similarly, the listener must suspend all doubts, biases, notions, beliefs and any form of conditioning while listening, so that the purity of speaker’s thoughts is retained in the listener’s mind. We often start doubting the speaker’s authority and knowledge or get busy in forming our own questions while listening. These are barriers to active listening and they must be dropped.
3. The pot must not be leaky. No water can stay in a pot which is leaking. Similarly, one must improve one’s memory to retain the thoughts in entirety. Often a lot is forgotten soon after the speaker stops or the reading ends. One may, therefore, take notes to prompt the memory for later recall.

At this stage, one may say “I got what you said. But, I have doubts on its validity.”

Therefore, whatever is listened to or read must be subjected to the following further two steps to bring about real learning and internal transformation:

Reflection: In this step, you bring forth all the doubts and raise queries. Reason out every answer and clarification. Seek expert’s opinion and guidance. At the end of all this, if it still doesn’t make sense, then it is not useful for you and it is best to be ignored. However, if it does make sense, then you may feel deep within a sense of unshaken conviction. You will be able to explain it to others as if it is your own making. You will become knowledgeable.

Yet, there may be little or no internal transformation even with this newfound knowledge. You may continue to act and behave like before. This is because the last step is yet to be covered.

Absorption: In this step, you allow this knowledge to seep in the subconscious mind. You meditate over it. Look for relevance in day-to-day living. It is like marinating the food with spices. This step may take its own time. Patience and perseverance are the keys. Over time, this knowledge will start reflecting spontaneously, without any effort, in your thoughts, actions and behaviours.

At this point, the knowledge has turned into your true ‘learning’.

Who is ruining my life?

We often complain, “My life is ruined by him or her. Or, my life is ruined by the circumstances I was thrown in by my fate.”

What is life? Isn’t it a series of experiences which we go through from moment to moment? Is it also not true that every moment we have to make a choice? Don’t we always have a choice to consider what is good for my growth? Our experience in every moment depends on what choice we make at every moment. Any choice, that is not going to help me grow internally, is bound to agitate me and result in a painful experience. If we continue to go through such painful experiences, life is truly ruined. And, it is not difficult to see who else could ruin it, except myself. I am the cause of my own suffering.

The world, including people around me, will never be according to my wish. I will come across people and situations that would tend to annoy me. In such situations, am I able to ask, “What is good for my growth?” Simply asking this question in our minds, we will find ways to deal with such annoying person or situation. Then, we will not react emotionally, but respond with calmness and clarity. Our response would be to say or do what is right, instead of what is pleasing to the other person. Our response could also be to not say or do anything, but simply walk away from that person or situation. Such right responses will generate calming experiences, which would enrich the life instead of ruining. The people and situations around us may continue to be what they are. I don’t need to change any of them because that is what makes the world what it is. Indeed, the world offers us the platform to test our strengths and progress.

My Consciousness pervades the Universe

I perceive the outside world through my five senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and tasting. I would not perceive any outside world, if all five senses were to be blocked.

Let’s now examine how I perceive the world through my senses.

My eyes receive reflected light waves from an object in the outside world. This light wave is converted into electrical impulses by the eyes and then passed to the brain through neurons. The brain processes these electrical impulses and, through a series of mysterious processes, I claim that I am seeing the object. But, I am seeing this object inside my own mind, not in the outside world.

Similarly, all sense organs receive their input from the outside world and help me perceive the outside objects in my own mind. Indeed, I can’t perceive anything beyond my own mind.

Now, let’s examine the mind itself.

Mind is not the brain. It is a subtle aspect of our personality and it can’t be traced in any specific location of our physical anatomy. Mind is the subtle medium in which all thoughts and emotions arise and undergo endless transformations, while preserving all the memories. Some thoughts take the role of discriminating intellect, while some other thoughts turn into desires. Still some other thoughts take on the task of contemplating. Some thoughts make us believe that we are individuals, separate from others, thus giving rise to ‘ego’ in us. When all thoughts are quietened, we refer to a quiet mind and experience peace & serenity. In short, mind is our inner personality, while body is the external one.

I am conscious (aware) of my mind, just as I am conscious of my body. Both are objects of my awareness, just like any worldly objects. I possess them, but quite separate from them. I am conscious of my perceptions, thoughts and emotions happening in my mind. Therefore, the mind is within my consciousness. 

Since I perceive the whole outside world in my own mind, all is within my consciousness. Indeed, my consciousness pervades the whole universe for me.