Illusive Vanity

Bikram Vohra may have humorously touched a raw nerve in all readers (“No one’s Indispensable”, Wknd. 16 July, 2010). We all carry this illusive notion in varying degree that we are indispensable. However, there are some who have convinced themselves that world would come to a naught without them. It is not uncommon to come across such people at work place or in social circle. I am particularly amused by those who would always find an excuse of being busy when invited, but would express their deep hurt when not invited. When you call them for a friendly chat, they would start telling you who all dignitaries they met and what all important tasks they accomplished. In the company of such people, you start doubting your own worth.

Feeling worthless and feeling indispensable are two sides of the same coin. There is no need to feel either. Each one of us is endowed with a unique talent and each one of us is important for the creation in his/her own way, however small it may be. Our pride should come from doing whatever we do to the best of our abilities, not from talking about it.

Blame Game

Two possibilities arise whenever a mistake is committed – ‘learn’ from the mistake or ‘blame’ someone (or oneself) for the mistake. One can exercise only one of these two possibilities at a time, not both. We love to play blame game because it is an easier option. No corrective effort required and no old habits to be changed. Just hurl some stones of blames and carry on with ‘business as usual’. But, these stones of blames cause hurt – sometimes deep wounds that do not heal for a long time. When we blame others for our mistakes, we create ill will around us. When we blame ourselves, we destroy our self-esteem. Self-condemnation is akin to self-pity. We somehow seek solace in self-pity. In extreme cases, it turns into suicidal tendency leading to disastrous results. What we don’t realize is that, by playing blame game, we close all doors of learning and growing.

Indeed, becoming aware of one’s mistake or weakness is a great moment of celebration – not condemnation, because this moment may open door for learning and growing. You can only move from where you actually are, not from where you pretend to be. Your acknowledgement of mistake is the acceptance of your current status, from where any change is possible. Your denial creates an illusory relief and you perpetually live a life of pretension. On the other hand, your acceptance brings real relief and, in the relaxed frame of mind, you clearly see the path to learning and growing. You are also guaranteed not to repeat the same mistake as you would have grown out of it. There is nothing wrong in making mistakes. To err is human. But to constantly and consciously repeat a mistake is living unintelligently – much below the human dignity.