Two possibilities arise whenever a mistake is committed – ‘learn’ from the mistake or ‘blame’ someone (or oneself) for the mistake. One can exercise only one of these two possibilities at a time, not both. We love to play blame game because it is an easier option. No corrective effort required and no old habits to be changed. Just hurl some stones of blames and carry on with ‘business as usual’. But, these stones of blames cause hurt – sometimes deep wounds that do not heal for a long time. When we blame others for our mistakes, we create ill will around us. When we blame ourselves, we destroy our self-esteem. Self-condemnation is akin to self-pity. We somehow seek solace in self-pity. In extreme cases, it turns into suicidal tendency leading to disastrous results. What we don’t realize is that, by playing blame game, we close all doors of learning and growing.
Indeed, becoming aware of one’s mistake or weakness is a great moment of celebration – not condemnation, because this moment may open door for learning and growing. You can only move from where you actually are, not from where you pretend to be. Your acknowledgement of mistake is the acceptance of your current status, from where any change is possible. Your denial creates an illusory relief and you perpetually live a life of pretension. On the other hand, your acceptance brings real relief and, in the relaxed frame of mind, you clearly see the path to learning and growing. You are also guaranteed not to repeat the same mistake as you would have grown out of it. There is nothing wrong in making mistakes. To err is human. But to constantly and consciously repeat a mistake is living unintelligently – much below the human dignity.
4 comments:
Wonderfull article – and a great subject very relevant today.
Just one part of your artcile where i would appreciate any further comments or thoughts you may have – i.e. "acceptance guarantees that you do not repeat the mistake" – not sure how easily acceptance would translate to action – the will to change could prove to be a stumbling block unless you see it as part of the "acceptance" phase ?
Thanks for your comment and query.
No one knowingly commits a mistake. Hence, a mistake happens from your unconscious part of the mind, where old habits and impressions play dominant role. By “acceptance”, I don’t mean mere lip service. I mean deep realization of some weakness within. This could be gained by asking questions such as: “What led to this mistake? Has it been repeated in the past? What are the consequences of this mistake? Am I willing to face these consequences again in the future? etc.” The idea is to become conscious of your unconscious thoughts pertaining to this weakness. Once this realization sets in, the “will” to break the old habit automatically arises. Can you remain in-door when you realize that your house is on fire?
Makes sense. Not sure what your recipe will be for mistakes that are committed knowingly – but unable to control – you know it is wrong but you still find yourself falling prey
This is called “addiction” like smoking, drinking, etc. You may start by simply becoming aware of what you are doing while you are doing, even though you are unable to stop yourself from doing it due to your addiction. By-the-by, you would gain enough strength to question your very doing. They say, a habit is formed when you repeat (consciously or unconsciously) the same thing for 21 days. Hence, after you have gained sufficient mental strength through acute awareness of your action, consciously refrain from doing what you are addicted to for 21 days, while conducting the self-introspection. This should break the addiction.
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