Relating in Relationships

How many of us can truly claim to have happy relationships with people around us – in the family, at work, in social circles, with neighbours, etc.? The truth is most relationships stink. Having frustrated with human relationships, people resort to plants and pets. The root cause lies in the absence of relating in relationships.

When we meet a person for the first time, we try to explore every aspect of that person. We closely watch his/her physical attributes. We carefully listen to what she says or doesn’t say. We let our subconscious mind take in subtle signals from her body language. We try to relate with that person. Thus, we form an opinion about her and label that person accordingly. Thereafter, we stick to our opinion and use it in all the transactions with that person. We simply take her for granted as per our once formed opinion. We, indeed, don’t relate with that person any longer. We hardly even look at the face carefully ever again, leave alone listening to subtle signals.

Once, George Bernard Shaw was asked who, in his opinion, was the wisest man. He replied his tailor, because he always took fresh measurements. He never relies on the past measurements. So is the case with all of us. We are like river – always flowing and changing, both physiologically and psychologically. We are learning and evolving with every experience. History is testimony to people changing radically within their lifetimes. Plants and animals are different. They are programmed to behave in a certain way throughout their lives. They don’t change. They are predictable. Hence, we can have much better relationships with them without changing our views about them.

Therefore, the key to having happy and healthy relationships with people is to continuously relate with them – taking fresh measurements in every transaction. There is no need to carry baggage of past opinions. There is also no need to feel guilty of committing a mistake in relating with people, as long as lessons have been learnt. Continuous growth in every relation should be the hallmark of a well lived life.

No Free Lunches

There are no free lunches in life. All species of the world – from vegetable to animal kingdom – know and respect this truth. Even an ant works for its food on a daily basis without any grumbling. But we humans fail to accept this truth in our lives. We want everything on a platter. And, when that does not happen we complain and blame everyone and everything, except ourselves.

We must pay a price for whatever we want, even for physical surviving. More valuable a thing, higher will be its price. We often label our misery as the price, which we continue to pay without getting any success in return. How can misery or suffering be a price? Misery, indeed, is only a symptom of our non-action. Can we remain in fever without taking any medicine? No, misery is not at all any price. Misery, however, can become an excuse for not doing anything. If we really want to come out of misery, we must take some action and continue taking as many actions as required until we are out of it.

Our parents have paid the price for our well-being through their hard work and sacrifices. We are able to eat delicious food, because someone has toiled in the kitchen for hours. We are today living in comfort, because some people have tirelessly worked in the past to bring these modern gadgets. A nation is free today, because its soldiers have paid price for its freedom through their lives.

So, it boils down to a simple question. Are we ready to pay the price – whatever it may be – for whatever we want?

Deadly Deadlines

Deadlines are no laughing matter, especially when your boss is dead serious or when your own reputation is at stake. There are people who love the pressure that comes along with the deadlines. They claim that it makes them more creative and productive. Procrastination is their vital tool and they seem to relish the pumping of adrenaline in their veins while feverishly trying to meet the deadlines.

‘Deadline’ originated in 1864 when a line would be drawn in the dirt or marked by a fence or rail, restricting prisoners in Civil War camps. They were warned, “If you cross this line, you’re dead.” Today, the context may have changed, but the essence remains the same. If you cross the deadline, you’re good for nothing.

 
I hate deadlines. It is so full of negativity. But, I also can’t follow the age old dictum, “What you can do tomorrow, do today, and what you can do today, do now.” My output quality hugely suffers in both the situations. I have lately discovered the golden ‘middle-path’ to stay calm and yet produce quality stuff. I usually start early with some sketchy thoughts and then leave the subject on a slow burner waiting for some inspiration to arrive. I let my subconscious mind take over, while I concentrate on other important and priority jobs. When I resume with inspired thoughts, the progress becomes swift making-up for the initial delay and provides greater satisfaction. Now, deadlines don’t bother me. I am usually done before meeting them. The only deadline I can’t meet is “Yesterday”.