Relating in Relationships

How many of us can truly claim to have happy relationships with people around us – in the family, at work, in social circles, with neighbours, etc.? The truth is most relationships stink. Having frustrated with human relationships, people resort to plants and pets. The root cause lies in the absence of relating in relationships.

When we meet a person for the first time, we try to explore every aspect of that person. We closely watch his/her physical attributes. We carefully listen to what she says or doesn’t say. We let our subconscious mind take in subtle signals from her body language. We try to relate with that person. Thus, we form an opinion about her and label that person accordingly. Thereafter, we stick to our opinion and use it in all the transactions with that person. We simply take her for granted as per our once formed opinion. We, indeed, don’t relate with that person any longer. We hardly even look at the face carefully ever again, leave alone listening to subtle signals.

Once, George Bernard Shaw was asked who, in his opinion, was the wisest man. He replied his tailor, because he always took fresh measurements. He never relies on the past measurements. So is the case with all of us. We are like river – always flowing and changing, both physiologically and psychologically. We are learning and evolving with every experience. History is testimony to people changing radically within their lifetimes. Plants and animals are different. They are programmed to behave in a certain way throughout their lives. They don’t change. They are predictable. Hence, we can have much better relationships with them without changing our views about them.

Therefore, the key to having happy and healthy relationships with people is to continuously relate with them – taking fresh measurements in every transaction. There is no need to carry baggage of past opinions. There is also no need to feel guilty of committing a mistake in relating with people, as long as lessons have been learnt. Continuous growth in every relation should be the hallmark of a well lived life.