Who am I?

One question that has perplexed mankind since time immemorial is: “Who am I?” By this question, I don’t mean my name, position, race, faith, nationality or other such attributes that are all acquired and can change. By this question, I mean my inherent unique and unchanging identity.

Majority of people remained content and never even asked such questions. Many connected the ‘effect’ with a ‘cause’ unscientifically and developed ‘superstitions’. Rare ones went all the way to find true answer and liberate themselves. While finding the answer, they also realised it was so subjective that it could not be communicated to anyone else through words or any other means. They could only give pointers according to their own nature, period and circumstances. Thus various ‘religions’ were born around such rare individuals at different times of the mankind’s evolution.

Religion, indeed, is derived from two Latin words – re (again) and ligare (to unite). So, religion etymologically means that which helps one unite again with the origin. In this context, all religions are essentially the same, as their common objective is to help mankind find his/her original identity. Unfortunately, majority followers of all religions have misunderstood their teachings as ‘end in itself’ rather than just ‘means’ of subjectively reaching the ‘truth’.

Mankind today has access to a rich repository of divine pointers available in various religions of the world. Every person is different and hence needs a different way of finding the ‘truth’. The world itself is a beautiful laboratory in which every one is allowed to conduct experiment of truth according to his/her own temperament. Religion, in this context, becomes a private and personal affair between individuals and God. Siding with one religion alone is denying oneself the wealth of wisdom available in other religions of the world. Pointing fingers at each other’s religion is futile and shows complete lack of true understanding. I dream of families in which every member is free to choose a faith that suits his/her unique temperament. I also dream of societies and nations in which such families are respected and held as ‘models’ of true humanity. We have often heard of ‘Walk the Talk’. I suggest we ‘only walk’.

Giving Space

It is amazing how soon we parents forget our own younger days and are condemned to repeat with our children what our parent did with us in our youth.

Today’s youngsters are much smarter and fiercely independent than what we were at their age. It is heartening to see today’s youth taking charge of their own lives so early. They are exposed to much wider spectrum of life and ideas. They know that life is multi-dimensional and have the guts to explore these dimensions. If they don’t succeed with one, they are ready to take on another challenge. They are not scared of trying untried career propositions. No doubt they are brand conscious, they are also aware of difference between ‘need’ and ‘greed’. Their hearts are easily filled with compassions for the less privileged in the society. They cry for justice whenever they see violation of fundamental human rights irrespective of cast, creed and colour. They are bubbling with innocent energy that must be directed appropriately.

The question then is what different role we parents should play. I believe that we should give them more space to blossom than what we got from our parents. More like a gardener who supports a sapling with a prop, directs its growth with gentle care and gives freedom to flower in full splendour. If we have lived a value-based life ourselves, we need not worry about our children as they would emulate those values while growing. They should be given the space that they need to explore the world and realise their dreams, while we stand by trusting that they would take us in confidence when they need our guidance and make us only proud parents. Tomorrow’s world will not only be safer in the hands of today’s youngsters, but it will also be better.

Means versus Ends

Last week, a thought-provoking article was published in a local magazine. While referring to various questionable conducts of some characters from the Indian epic "Mahabharata", the author raised a couple of questions: Do the means justify the ends? Is success possible without compromise? It is difficult to answer such questions in simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I feel that context and the intention behind the action are important in answering such questions.

We happily twist scientific fact while explaining sunrise and sunset to a young child. We do not hesitate lying to a criminal pursuing an innocent person. We hide details of the dreaded disease from a distressed patient. Life is not black and white. It is full of various shades of grey. What is a sin to one person may not be so for the other and even for the same person in a different situation. However, I believe that our conscience is our best guide. Like a compass, it always shows us the right path. When questioned about the apparent inconsistency between his writings and actions at various times, Mahatma Gandhi said, “My aim is not to be consistent with my previous statements on a given question, but to be consistent with truth as it may present itself to me at a given moment.” He was clearly referring to being true to his own conscience.

Reciprocation in Love

True love need not have the expectation of reciprocation . Where there is an expectation of reciprocation, there cannot be love. It is rather a business transaction, in which love is bartered for other things – favour, recognition, attention, or even mere acknowledgement. The question is, “Would I love a person even when I have nothing to gain from him or even when he is sure to harm me?”

Love, I believe, is not an act of volition. You cannot love selectively. Love is that serene emotion that naturally overflows in all directions, when you are completely filled with it. When a flower blooms, it cannot stop its fragrance from spreading irrespective of anyone’s presence around. A nightingale’s singing is not directed to anyone in particular. Clouds don’t select houses to pour their contents on. They are simply helpless in controlling the overflow of what is filled inside them.

It’s more important than ever in today’s climate of random hatred coupled with self-obsession to encourage people to think of others and to love without demanding reciprocity. But, this is possible only when we have first filled our own hearts with ‘love’. It should begin with a total acceptance of oneself. When you accept yourself as you are, you begin to accept others also as they are. There is no more need to imitate or compete with anyone else, as each one of us is a unique creation of the nature. Realising and revealing your own original potential should become the life’s goal. Ever increasing joy is the reward on this journey and self-less love is an unavoidable result. No rose wants to be lily. And, the world is beautiful because of the variety.

Courage and Conviction

Olympic games have given us a rich respository of people with steel like courage and conviction. Bikila’s barefoot running and winning gold, Zatopek’s earning the title of ‘The Czech Locomotive’, Dhyan Chand’s magical hold on the hockey ball, Fanny becoming popular as ‘The Flying Housewife’ at 30 – all of them demonstrated their rock-solid conviction and courage. In the recent Beijing Olympic too, Michael Phelps became the highest individual gold takers in the history of Olympic games. Abhinav also wrote history for India by winning the first ever individual gold. New stories of courage and conviction are being written in our every day life too.

Bethany Hamilton at 13 was attacked by a shark while surfing, but within 6 months returned to competitive surfing with one arm. Ray Kroc at 52 lost his gall bladder and thyroid gland and suffered from diabetes. Yet, he went on to become the founder of McDonald’s. Ben Hogan was nearly killed in an auto accident that crushed his legs, but just after 16 months he won US Open Golf. It is rightly said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

I believe it’s all in the mind. As you think, so you become. The only limitations we have are those put by our own minds. According to scientists, the bumblebee’s body is too heavy and its wing span too small. Aerodynamically, the bumblebee cannot fly. But the bumblebee doesn’t know that and it keeps flying.

Between two milestones

Someone once said, “You are born today and you die tomorrow." All our knowledge and experience is, indeed, between these two milestones. And, yet we take them so lightly. What I understood from these words is that ‘today’ is all we have. But, we continue to sacrifice our ‘today’ in the hope of an unseen ‘tomorrow’. What we call ‘living’ is reduced to mere ‘existing’. We hardly enjoy life as it is today.

Stephen R. Covey has rightly suggested four dimensions of living: Live, Love, Learn and Leave a legacy. Each of these dimensions relates to each of the four personalities we posses: Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual. A life is considered fully ‘lived’ only when we take care of all the four dimensions. Physically, we must radiate ‘health. Emotionally, we must harbour the feelings of ‘love’ for all. Intellectually, we must never stop ‘learning.’ Spiritually, we must attain that internal growth which will continue to inspire the future generations.

The famous Indian weaver-poet, Kabir sang thus: “This sheet of life was given to us spotless. Many wore and made it dirty. I wore it and left it spotless.” Hidden in this song is also a great environmental message. Are we leaving the world cleaner than what we received?

Confidence Re-defined

We often grant ourselves superstar status at the first sign of success and victim status at the first sign of failure. Perhaps this is in human nature to arrogate any achievement to oneself and blame the whole world for any failure. Arrogance often appears in the garb of confidence.

It is said that knowledge brings humility. It is because the more you know something, the more you realise how much more you don’t know. At the pinnacle of success, Sir Isaac Newton said, “To myself I am only a child playing on the beach, while vast oceans of truth lie undiscovered before me.” Who can question Newton’s confidence?

Therefore, true confidence grows with an acute awareness of one’s own limitations. When success comes your way, your heart bows down to the force of providence in silent gratitude, as you realise that many other factors outside your control have contributed to this success. And, when you encounter a failure, you smile in silent acceptance of your current limitations. You are truly confident when, wearing a glowing smile, you are able to say, “I don’t know.”