Illusive Vanity

Bikram Vohra may have humorously touched a raw nerve in all readers (“No one’s Indispensable”, Wknd. 16 July, 2010). We all carry this illusive notion in varying degree that we are indispensable. However, there are some who have convinced themselves that world would come to a naught without them. It is not uncommon to come across such people at work place or in social circle. I am particularly amused by those who would always find an excuse of being busy when invited, but would express their deep hurt when not invited. When you call them for a friendly chat, they would start telling you who all dignitaries they met and what all important tasks they accomplished. In the company of such people, you start doubting your own worth.

Feeling worthless and feeling indispensable are two sides of the same coin. There is no need to feel either. Each one of us is endowed with a unique talent and each one of us is important for the creation in his/her own way, however small it may be. Our pride should come from doing whatever we do to the best of our abilities, not from talking about it.

Blame Game

Two possibilities arise whenever a mistake is committed – ‘learn’ from the mistake or ‘blame’ someone (or oneself) for the mistake. One can exercise only one of these two possibilities at a time, not both. We love to play blame game because it is an easier option. No corrective effort required and no old habits to be changed. Just hurl some stones of blames and carry on with ‘business as usual’. But, these stones of blames cause hurt – sometimes deep wounds that do not heal for a long time. When we blame others for our mistakes, we create ill will around us. When we blame ourselves, we destroy our self-esteem. Self-condemnation is akin to self-pity. We somehow seek solace in self-pity. In extreme cases, it turns into suicidal tendency leading to disastrous results. What we don’t realize is that, by playing blame game, we close all doors of learning and growing.

Indeed, becoming aware of one’s mistake or weakness is a great moment of celebration – not condemnation, because this moment may open door for learning and growing. You can only move from where you actually are, not from where you pretend to be. Your acknowledgement of mistake is the acceptance of your current status, from where any change is possible. Your denial creates an illusory relief and you perpetually live a life of pretension. On the other hand, your acceptance brings real relief and, in the relaxed frame of mind, you clearly see the path to learning and growing. You are also guaranteed not to repeat the same mistake as you would have grown out of it. There is nothing wrong in making mistakes. To err is human. But to constantly and consciously repeat a mistake is living unintelligently – much below the human dignity.

Authentic Living

Reading about Kiran Bedi in the Wknd. (“Sharpshooter”, 21.05.2010) was a thrilling experience. I was reminded of my meeting her way back in 2001, when she visited Abu Dhabi to launch her critically acclaimed biography, “I dare”. While getting her autograph on a copy of this book, I asked who her idol was. She replied, “Mahatma Gandhi.” Notwithstanding her violence-dominated Police profession, she explained how she always looked for ‘goodness’ even in hard-core criminals and thus could maintain a non-violent attitude in her life. Her enthusiasm was infectious and I felt as if I was standing next to a power-house of infinite energy. No doubt, even now she works 24 x 7. I am inspired by her statement, “There is no place where I have to be – there are only places where I need to be and ought to be.” She is truly a shining example of ‘authentic living’. I wonder how many of us can also say, “My work is my holiday.”

Handling Work Stress

Mr. T Ram Kishore was surely not serious while suggesting to ‘stop with this enthusiasm business’ and carry on working under stress (“So who’s happy in his job?”, KT May 19, 2010). Enthusiasm may not pay bills, but it fills you with life. Stress is the worst silent killer of modern society. Almost all major diseases emanate from stress. But, we don’t have to give in; we can effectively deal with it.

When a piece of metal wire is bent, it comes under stress. There is now an internal pressure within the wire to return to its original shape. Similarly, whenever human mind deviates from its natural state, it becomes stressful. Stress, indeed, is an internal cry for returning to natural state. Our natural state is that of serenity, calmness and relaxation.

We are most relaxed and happy when we do what we love to do. Unfortunately, most of us don’t have this luxury. Our work is somehow forced upon us due to reasons such as: financial, family, legality, skill limitations or just going with the flow. Hence, the only way out is to love whatever we do and do it to the best of our abilities, as doing is the only thing under our control. We should also guard against developing an unconscious habit of complaining, as it prevents new opportunities from approaching us. Only a relaxed mind has the ability to scan far and wide for better opportunities. A relaxed mind is inherently in receptive mode, while a complaining mind is inherently in rejection mode.

We are entirely responsible for our own stress. Outside world will be what it is. It cannot change itself to the liking of each individual. People, places, weather and situations are what they are – not under our individual controls. Hence, the first step in handling stress is to have ‘realistic’ (if not ‘zero’) expectation from the world. Stress automatically starts building-up inside us when ‘we don’t do what we ought to do’ or ‘do what we ought not to do’ in a given situation. It starts like a spark and, if not immediately checked, it soon engulfs our entire psychosomatic personality. Therefore, it is vital to be acutely aware of its initial signs, such as: heat in the head, increased pulse-rate, losing control over speech, trembling, etc. When such signs are noticed, we should mentally withdraw from the scene immediately and fine-tune our expectations. Deep breathing, yoga, playing sports, reading favourite books, listening to favourite music and socializing with close friends are well known effective stress busters. Indulging in food and other addictions are the easiest diversions that provide temporary relief, but do much more harm in the long run and hence must be avoided.

There are situations when we feel ourselves against the wall with no way out. Again, it is because of our own narrow vision under the circumstances. Asking questions like, “what is the worst thing that can happen?” actually calms down the mind and allows us to focus on finding alternatives. It is important to have meaningful goals in life, but being obsessed with them is sowing seeds of stress. We must be natural in all our actions under all circumstances. We must also trust that nature will provide us whatever we need and whenever we need for our survival and growth. We should remain receptive to nature’s bounty and always follow our own conscience. Anything forced is not forceful – only stressful.

According to Chuang Tzu, “Easy is right. Begin right and you are easy. Continue easy and you are right. The right way to go easy is to forget the right way and forget that the going is easy.”

Whenever I am faced with a stressful situation, I often turn to this prayer:

“God, grant me the

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change…

Courage to change the things I can…and

Wisdom to know the difference.”

Future of Books

In his article “Read the latest iPad?” (KT, Wednesday, April 7, 2010), Marc Aronson has asked a question; “Does the arrival of this new gizmo mean the end of books as we know it?” My answer is “No, Never.”

Besides the issues sighted by Marc, e-books suffer from many other disadvantages. To start with, you need a gadget that runs on power. What if it runs out of power or simply breaks-down just when you are deeply engrossed in reading? Small screen size will put further constraint on the already failing eye-sights of aged readers. What about those readers who are not skilled at operating electronic gadgets? How long can you keep these e-books readable at the current rate of obsolescence in technology, unless, of course, you keep changing the gadget? E-book format itself may go through a revolutionary change in a not so distant future.

Then, there are other socio-psychological constraints with e-books. Can you read e-books at all locations, all weathers and all circumstances? How will you derive the pleasure of lending or borrowing an e-book? How are you going to highlight, underline important paras or make notes in the margin space of the e-book? How will you obtain author’s autograph or gift the e-book with your own hand-written message that may survive many generations with nostalgic memories? How would you put attractive covers on an e-book? How can a visitor to your house get impressed with your collection of e-books? Would it still be possible to make new acquaintances by picking an e-book that was accidently dropped by someone on the pathway? And, last but not the least, can you preserve a flower between the pages of an e-book rekindling sweet memories of the past?

Luck Factor

Recently, I stumbled upon the research findings of a psychologist on ‘why some people are always in the right place at the right time, while others consistently experience ill fortune.’ He conducted a simple experiment. He gave same number of both lucky and unlucky people copies of the same newspaper, and asked them to look through it and tell him how many photographs were inside. He had secretly placed a large message halfway through the newspaper saying, “Tell the experimenter you have seen this and win $250.” This message took up half of the page and was written in type that was more than two inches high. It was staring everyone straight in the face, but the unlucky people tended to miss it and the lucky people tended to spot it.

He concluded that unlucky people are generally more tense than lucky people, and this anxiety disrupts their ability to notice the unexpected. As a result, they miss opportunities because they are too focused on looking for something else. They go to parties intent on finding their perfect partner and so miss opportunities to make good friends. They look through newspapers determined to find certain types of job adverts and miss other types of jobs.

Lucky people are more relaxed and open, and therefore see what is there rather than just what they are looking for. His research finally revealed the elusive “Luck Factor” based on the following four steps:

1. Listen to your gut instincts – they are normally right.

2. Be open to new experiences breaking your normal routine.

3. Spend a few moments each day remembering things that went well.

4. Visualize yourself being lucky before an important meeting or telephone call.

Luck, indeed, is an intersection of opportunity and preparedness.

We The People

Wherever a mass problem or a wider issue exists, there is a need for a leader. Common people are too shy or too busy with their own everyday struggles. But, they can easily gather behind the one who appears to talk about their welfare and gives voice to their collective woes. A true leader will strive to solve their problem at the earliest. Indeed, he carries a clear vision of the intended solution. However, no sooner the problem is solved, the need for the leader also disappears. This is the catch.

Having accomplished the mission successfully, a true leader will move on to other things in life which may or may not give him similar mass recognition. But, many leaders cannot face such an end. Hence, they turn into either politicians or self-proclaimed leaders of aggressive organisations fighting for public cause through violence. Both know that their survival depend upon keeping the problem alive and the issue burning. No wonder then that so many issues in the world are still open even after many decades and many so-called leaders.

I refuse to believe that common people are interested in any kind of violence or prolonging any problem. No common man was happy at the killing of an eleven-day old baby by the mob recently in Srinagar. It is, therefore, entirely up to the common mass to recognise a true leader and reject the calls of so-called leaders with vested interests. It is now high time that ‘we the people’ stop becoming pawns in the hands of such self-proclaimed leaders. Failing this, common mass would remain condemned to the destiny of unending problems and continue to bring more misery upon itself.