Outsourcing Guests

I was amused and at the same time amazed to read about the new fashion of hiring guests some time back: "Now, hire wedding guests from Rs100 to Rs500". It's no surprise that it had to start in Rajasthan, where there is an age-old tradition of hiring women to weep over a dead person. These women are known as 'Rudali'. However, in this tradition at least, the idea is to invoke the locked-up feelings of the relatives, which would otherwise cause long-term psychological damages. But to hire guests to simply show-off is not even a pleasant thought. What good such a show-off would do to either side, except inflating their egos and wasting loads of money? Those who witness such a grand play would forget it sooner or later. But, those who pay for it would never forget that it was a 'fake'.

How painful would it be looking at wedding photographs in which you could hardly relate to anyone, and which would always remind you of the put-on show? Instead, would it not be better to perform the ritual in the simplest manner with relatives, friends and genuine guests and spend the extra money on arranging the marriage of a poor girl who would never forget such a kind gesture till she lives?

Art imitates Life

Dissecting the reasons for current deplorable state of theatres in the South Asian sub-continent, someone asked, “Why is theatre important at all?” Theatre (or any art form) is an indispensable mirror to society. It reflects ‘what is prevailing now’ and stirs people’s courage to ‘change for the better.’

Some time back in the year 2005, I came across a news item "Prostitutes take centre stage to overturn stigma” reporting on how a renowned theatre group, ‘Nandikar’ in Kolkata (India), attempted to remove the stigma attached to prostitution by staging a play in which all the 23 actresses were professional sex workers depicting their humane aspect. It was reported that ordinary men and women in the audience sobbed and cried as the play unfolded.

It is said, “There is nothing right in history except names and dates. And, there is nothing wrong in drama except names and dates.” Art will always imitate life. No society can stifle creative minds. They will always find ways and means of expressing themselves. It is up to us what type of society we wish to create, live in and leave behind.

Small Act, Big Satisfaction

Once I went to a little road-side shop to change the battery in my watch. While replacing the battery, the man from the sub-continent informed me of some other defects as well and proceeded to fix them. He was one of all those displaced from the open market, which is now being re-built. He must have struggled to find this place and must re-discover his clients. Five minutes later, when finished, I asked, "How much?" He said, "Five bucks for the battery and the rest as you wish." I paid him ten. His gestures indicated that I had exceeded his expectation. My wife also noticed. Later, she remarked, "You got a bad bargain." I said, "You missed the signs of gratitude on his wrinkled face which carries much more value than what I paid. Besides, what would that extra five bucks buy for us - not even a cup of coffee. I think I got a great bargain. His smiling face has made my day."

Gaining Happiness

I wish to share the following formula of Happiness that was given to me by my esteemed Spiritual Guru:

Happiness = (No. of Desires fulfilled) / (No. of Desires entertained).

Thus, happiness increases with the number of desires fulfilled and decreases with the number of desires entertained. Mathematically, happiness would be infinite if no desire is entertained at all.

Happiness can also be defined as that state of mind where all agitations cease. Desire is the seed of all agitations. Imagine you are relaxing with a vacant mind. Suddenly, a random thought of eating chocolate enters your mind. You indulge in this thought indiscriminately. It gathers momentum. The mind is no longer calm. It is now filled with the turbulent desire of eating chocolate. You have now posited your happiness in the chocolate. Helplessly, you look for and get the chocolate. The first bite of the chocolate calms the turbulence in the mind. Mind is again vacant of any thought. A feeling of happiness spreads. But only until the next thought turns itself into another desire. Happiness was never in the chocolate. It was always within you. You lost it by planting a desire of the chocolate and regained it by clearing that desire.

Happiness is our original nature and we are helplessly driven towards it when we lose it. A German philosopher, Schopenhauer, appropriately puts it, ‘It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else.’ We are filled with innumerable desires — desires for material objects, desires for sensuous experiences, desires for love, desires for recognition, etc. We are never free from any desire. No sooner a desire is fulfilled, many others come in. We expect each desire to be fulfilled and give ‘happiness’. However, this is not always possible. Consequently, we are often left with frustration, depression and anger.

I believe that each one of us is born with an inherent talent and an urge to express it. Problem begins when we start building unrealistic expectations out of whatever we do or don't do. The key is to let the latent talent surface naturally without any hindrance of speculations or expectations. And, the secret of contentment lies in full expression of this inherent talent.

The key to Happiness, then, is to thoughtfully monitor every desire. If it is not in line with your inherent talent, then promptly drop it so that it fails to gather any momentum. And, if it is in line with your inherent talent, then convert it into a meaningful pursuit with no obsession for any return. Every pursuit will then become only an urge to express your inherent talent. Just as a flower blooms, river flows, bird sings, and sun shines without any particular desire to be fulfilled.

Your look depends upon your outlook

Looking young with age is a losing battle, yet fiercely fought because the ever increasing ads on health and beauty products would make us believe otherwise. A deep sense of insecurity is sowed in the minds of young ones as they age. And, a never ending chase for the illusive young-look takes precedence over everything else in life. However, the fact remains that this chase is futile. We all end up with the faces we deserve.

Our thoughts shape our personalities and are mirrored in our looks. Consequently, what we think influences how we look. Persons, whose thoughts never rise above the level of material possessions and sensual enjoyment, always worry about their looks. You can never find peace in such company — no matter how handsome or beautiful they may look. On the other hand, persons whose thoughts rest on compassion and co-operation reflect contentment. It is a delight to be in their company — no matter how they look. Maturity of thoughts adds grace to the age. Such people, despite age, remain youthful in their outlook. Lines on their faces truly tell tales of hardship, sorrow, grief, happiness and triumph. Having lived a life of fulfilment, they die with childlike smile on their lips. History immortalizes such faces with pride. So, let's watch our thoughts more than our looks.

Can Science explain Faith?

St. Augustine defined 'Faith' thus: "Faith is believing what you do not see and the reward of this Faith is seeing what you believe in."

Indeed, Faith is the essence of life. You dine in a restaurant with the faith that the food is not poisoned. You fly in an aeroplane with the faith that the plane will not crash. You sleep in your house with the faith that the roof will not collapse on you. We can hardly live without 'faith'.

Every scientific search is also pursued with 'faith' (not a doubt). Thomas Edison pursued his experiments despite failing over 2000 times as he had 'faith' in discovering a light bulb. Today, all over the world, scientists are pursuing research for AIDS vaccine with an unflinching faith of finding one.

How can science explain faith when it is also based on faith? Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.

Why to Marry?

Living alone is fast becoming a 21st century status symbol (UK households with only one occupant have risen by 31 percent since 1971). Many of these ‘soloists’ exist in a sea of old pizza boxes and broken dreams. This looks scary for a healthy society.

There is hardly any human born without any weakness. Weaknesses vary in number and types from person to person. However, one aspires to rise above these weaknesses and strives for becoming a better human being. Through centuries of ‘trials-and-errors’, societies around the world have evolved the ‘institution of marriage’. A ‘successful’ marriage can create an environment which is conducive for transforming human ‘weaknesses’ into ‘strengths’. Desire of ‘possessing’ can become obligatory duty of ‘custodianship', urge for ‘companionship’ can evolve into a feeling of ‘compassion', blind ‘lust’ can turn into fragrant ‘love’, hope of leaving behind a ‘name’ can be fulfilled and converted into a mission of leaving behind a better human being in form of ‘children’, and so on.

The current trend of the 'Soloists' is a case of ‘emotional stunting’. How could true self-discovery be possible when you’ve never shared your hopes and fears, or indeed a bathroom, with anybody?