Art of Listening and Learning

Any effective communication or learning starts with ‘listening’ or ‘reading’. Listening is not mere hearing. In Tibetans monastery, ‘pot’ analogy is given to explain listening.

If you want to fill a pot with clean water, following three conditions must be satisfied:

1.  The pot must not be kept upside down. No water can enter a pot which is not rightly positioned. Similarly, the listener must pay attention to the speaker. If one’s attention is somewhere else or wandering in different directions, nothing will be received or will be received in bits and pieces which is worse than not listening at all.
2. The pot must not be dirty. If it is dirty, the water will also get dirty as soon as it enters the pot. Similarly, the listener must suspend all doubts, biases, notions, beliefs and any form of conditioning while listening, so that the purity of speaker’s thoughts is retained in the listener’s mind. We often start doubting the speaker’s authority and knowledge or get busy in forming our own questions while listening. These are barriers to active listening and they must be dropped.
3. The pot must not be leaky. No water can stay in a pot which is leaking. Similarly, one must improve one’s memory to retain the thoughts in entirety. Often a lot is forgotten soon after the speaker stops or the reading ends. One may, therefore, take notes to prompt the memory for later recall.

At this stage, one may say “I got what you said. But, I have doubts on its validity.”

Therefore, whatever is listened to or read must be subjected to the following further two steps to bring about real learning and internal transformation:

Reflection: In this step, you bring forth all the doubts and raise queries. Reason out every answer and clarification. Seek expert’s opinion and guidance. At the end of all this, if it still doesn’t make sense, then it is not useful for you and it is best to be ignored. However, if it does make sense, then you may feel deep within a sense of unshaken conviction. You will be able to explain it to others as if it is your own making. You will become knowledgeable.

Yet, there may be little or no internal transformation even with this newfound knowledge. You may continue to act and behave like before. This is because the last step is yet to be covered.

Absorption: In this step, you allow this knowledge to seep in the subconscious mind. You meditate over it. Look for relevance in day-to-day living. It is like marinating the food with spices. This step may take its own time. Patience and perseverance are the keys. Over time, this knowledge will start reflecting spontaneously, without any effort, in your thoughts, actions and behaviours.

At this point, the knowledge has turned into your true ‘learning’.

Who is ruining my life?

We often complain, “My life is ruined by him or her. Or, my life is ruined by the circumstances I was thrown in by my fate.”

What is life? Isn’t it a series of experiences which we go through from moment to moment? Is it also not true that every moment we have to make a choice? Don’t we always have a choice to consider what is good for my growth? Our experience in every moment depends on what choice we make at every moment. Any choice, that is not going to help me grow internally, is bound to agitate me and result in a painful experience. If we continue to go through such painful experiences, life is truly ruined. And, it is not difficult to see who else could ruin it, except myself. I am the cause of my own suffering.

The world, including people around me, will never be according to my wish. I will come across people and situations that would tend to annoy me. In such situations, am I able to ask, “What is good for my growth?” Simply asking this question in our minds, we will find ways to deal with such annoying person or situation. Then, we will not react emotionally, but respond with calmness and clarity. Our response would be to say or do what is right, instead of what is pleasing to the other person. Our response could also be to not say or do anything, but simply walk away from that person or situation. Such right responses will generate calming experiences, which would enrich the life instead of ruining. The people and situations around us may continue to be what they are. I don’t need to change any of them because that is what makes the world what it is. Indeed, the world offers us the platform to test our strengths and progress.

My Consciousness pervades the Universe

I perceive the outside world through my five senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and tasting. I would not perceive any outside world, if all five senses were to be blocked.

Let’s now examine how I perceive the world through my senses.

My eyes receive reflected light waves from an object in the outside world. This light wave is converted into electrical impulses by the eyes and then passed to the brain through neurons. The brain processes these electrical impulses and, through a series of mysterious processes, I claim that I am seeing the object. But, I am seeing this object inside my own mind, not in the outside world.

Similarly, all sense organs receive their input from the outside world and help me perceive the outside objects in my own mind. Indeed, I can’t perceive anything beyond my own mind.

Now, let’s examine the mind itself.

Mind is not the brain. It is a subtle aspect of our personality and it can’t be traced in any specific location of our physical anatomy. Mind is the subtle medium in which all thoughts and emotions arise and undergo endless transformations, while preserving all the memories. Some thoughts take the role of discriminating intellect, while some other thoughts turn into desires. Still some other thoughts take on the task of contemplating. Some thoughts make us believe that we are individuals, separate from others, thus giving rise to ‘ego’ in us. When all thoughts are quietened, we refer to a quiet mind and experience peace & serenity. In short, mind is our inner personality, while body is the external one.

I am conscious (aware) of my mind, just as I am conscious of my body. Both are objects of my awareness, just like any worldly objects. I possess them, but quite separate from them. I am conscious of my perceptions, thoughts and emotions happening in my mind. Therefore, the mind is within my consciousness. 

Since I perceive the whole outside world in my own mind, all is within my consciousness. Indeed, my consciousness pervades the whole universe for me.

Creativity is Cathartic

Every act of creativity is cathartic.

Great works are born out of deep pain. World is full of such examples. Writers, painters, musicians, performers, leaders – all touched the pit of despair before great works blossomed out of them. It is intriguing to find what happens when we touch the pit of despair,

Our ego makes us believe that any success is entirely of our own making. It builds castles of hopes and expectations. This causes pain when we face any set-back. Greater the set-back, deeper is the pain. In the moments of such great pain, our ego tends to melt. An emptiness is created within. This emptiness opens the door for the power of providence to enter. Such a person, devoid of ego but full of providence, is helplessly drawn towards creating great work. Pain is replaced by bliss. However, if one holds on to his ego even when suffering, he is driven deep into depression and may even end his life untimely.

Every person, whose work is recognized as ‘great’, admits his conscious absence during his creation – as if it simply happened through him. It is, indeed, possible to live a blissful life, devoid of any pain, if we can keep our ego in check. It is not possible to live without any hope or expectations. But, if we learn to keep them as realistic as possible, there will be less set-backs and less pain. 

Everything in the universe is beautifully orchestrated by the providence. All we need to do is to park our ego and simply watch the providence work through us in miraculous ways. Life can then become a great celebration that never ends.

Today is all we have

Yesterday, what we have ‘today’ was ‘tomorrow’. But, we wasted yesterday worrying and planning about ‘tomorrow’. Now, that ‘tomorrow’ is here as ‘today’. And, what are we doing today? Again, worrying and planning about tomorrow. Will tomorrow ever come? Life is made up of only ‘todays’. If we could live our ‘todays’ 100%, we would have lived our entire life 100%, otherwise we are sure to waste this greatest gift called ‘life’ in ‘yesterdays’ or ‘tomorrows’. The only benchmark of living is asking "Am I living today?" The only benchmark of progress is asking "Have I become a better human being at the end of today?"

Going against Conscience

Mr. Vohra, talking in a lighter vein, has made a serious point in his piece “Ever tempted to do the wrong thing?” (Wknd. June 9, 2017). Who can truly declare that he / she would never go against his/her conscience, no matter what the temptation or price is? Vohra admits that he is fortunate enough not to have his price line tested as yet. Even Mahatma Gandhi had said, “Have I that nonviolence of the brave in me? My death alone will show that. If someone killed me and I died with prayer for the assassin on my lips, and God’s remembrance and consciousness of His living presence in the sanctuary of my heart, then alone would I be said to have had the nonviolence of the brave.”

So long as we have any value for things that the World can offer – money; sensual pleasures; power; name; or fame, we have potential to fall. And, we cannot know this until our price line is tested in real life. In my own life, I have followed a few pointers to keep me on course and in line with my own conscience: “Will I be able to face my mother or my children with pride after doing this act? Will I be able to sleep well after falling for this temptation?” For the future, all I can do is to deeply understand the true worth of the World’s temporary offerings and raise my price line so high that it never crosses my path.

Don't Give up

Yesterday, while walking on the Corniche in Abu Dhabi, I met an old acquaintance. We discussed the current recession in the market and hard to find opportunities. He advised, “Don’t give up looking for opportunities.” Almost spontaneously, I said, “I won’t give up until Nature gives up on me.”

Later, I started reflecting on my involuntary response. Nature, indeed, is the toughest task master. Every atom has a place and purpose in the nature. Nothing can survive against nature’s wish. And, if I am kept alive by the nature, then surely there is some task of the nature yet to be performed through me. Even with the best of my abilities, I cannot see what nature can see. Why not, then, let nature guide me and show the way? Whatever is designed for me would appear before me at the right time and right place. And, who am I to take the decision? Nature would dictate her decision through me. After all, it is nature’s responsibility to complete what she has planned. My worrying about the future is meaningless. I simply need to remain available and receptive (both physically and mentally) for her signals.

Nature’s signals can come from anywhere, anytime, at any place and in any form. It may come in a flash of idea, or in a random message, or in an idle conversation with a friend, or through a set-back, or from an adversary’s mean action, or while watching TV, or while reading a book, and so on. The list is endless. I shouldn’t disregard anything without subjecting it to due diligence. Thirty seven years ago, I disregarded the interview call from ADNOC while working in Oil India Limited, Assam (India), as I didn’t like the role being offered. Some close friends persuaded me to attend the interview in Delhi, despite my great reluctance. This trip paved the way for my future in Abu Dhabi. Many such life-changing incidents have taught me to remain open and receptive to all signals, including those I dislike.

With my limited knowledge, I can never know what is best for me. Nature knows best and I better follow her signals. I am still on the journey. How can I give up before Nature gives up on me?