Fear is the Key to Courage

The interview with Ms. Sushmita Sen (“Queen of the Universe”, wknd., 17 Feb 2017) was thought-provoking. I am still trying to decipher what she meant by “When you hold on to fear long enough, it turns into courage.”

Fear arises from some perceived risk/threat – loss of job, loss of relationship, loss of health, loss of reputation, and so on. Some of these risks may be credible based on facts, while others may just be baseless apprehensions, which mind is good at producing. If we give-in to any fear, it has the power to ruin our peace and happiness. But, if we analyse the fear’s root-cause and deal with it through specific actions, then this  perhaps is what Sushmita meant as ‘Courage’.

Sometimes, even after putting in all the conscious efforts, we are unable to deal with the fear’s cause. At this point, I believe, one has to surrender to the higher power of the nature which is controlling the entire universe so meticulously. In the moments of such a total surrender, mind is inspired with new thoughts, which can open-up new paths not seen before. We can thus use fear to our advantage. Sushmita Sen has clearly demonstrated this in her own life.

Failure is not a Failure

Failure is the most dreadful situation in life. We feel worthless when we fail. But, should we feel that way when we fail to achieve our objectives? Let’s analyze what is failure.

Every action is performed with some expectations and every action produces a result. This result can fall into either one of the following categories:

•   Meet Expectations
•  Exceed Expectations
•  Below Expectations
•  Against Expectations (unexpected)

When the result is below or against expectations, we call it a failure.

However, we must understand that we have limited knowledge and resources to perform an action. Further, we don’t call all the shots (there are many factors over which we have little or no control). So when the result happens to be below or against expectation, we realize that there is a room for improvement in our future actions. This realization opens door for new learning. With a new learning we are wiser than before. Thereafter, we are not the same person. How can then we call this situation a ‘failure’? Indeed, it is a blessing in disguise. 

Sadness - Root Cause Analysis

Almost everyone is subjected to sadness in life. The frequency and duration of sadness may vary from person to person. But hardly anyone can claim to be free from sadness all the time. Does it mean that it is not possible to be free from sadness? To answer this question, we need to conduct a Root Cause Analysis of ‘Sadness’.

Sadness usually comes when we are faced with an unpleasant or undesirable situation, which we cannot change, such as a failure to achieve certain objectives. We often consider ‘pain’ and ‘sorrow’ similarly, although both are poles apart. Pain is born out of a factual or natural happening, such as a fall or a cut. But, this pain turns into sorrow when we refuse to accept this happening of a fall or a cut as an unchangeable fact. Instead, we get into thinking ‘why didn’t I take precaution or why did I do this activity at all’. In the process, we start blaming either ourselves or others, including inert objects or nature. Such thinking does not remove the pain, but leads to sadness. Sadness, therefore, is the result of a mechanical ‘REACTION’ of the mind to an unpleasant or undesirable happening, which we failed to accept as unchangeable fact. We are often not conscious of this ‘reaction’ and hence cannot control it. Continuing on this path of uncontrolled thinking for a long time, sadness further deepens and turns into depression.

Since reaction does not take permission of the conscious mind, all the knowledge and wisdom becomes useless. Naturally, therefore, such reaction leaves us angry and frustrated with ourselves. We are often found blaming ourselves, “How could I react in such a horrible and uncivilized manner?”

On the other hand, if we accept the fact of ‘a fall’ or ‘a cut’, which can no longer be changed, then we will ‘ACT’ accordingly and immediately to heal the wound and remove the pain, thus eliminating the root cause of a possible future sadness. This is true not only in case of a physical pain, but also any emotional pain arising out of a disappointment or any other situations in life.

When two people fight or argue, both refuse to accept each other as they are. Both wish that the other person behave in a different manner. As a result, both become sad after the fight.

The question now is “Can I stop myself from reacting mechanically when faced with an undesirable or unpleasant situation?” Answer is simply, “No, because of my old habits.” However, certain steps can be taken to break this habit of uncontrolled thinking and start looking at the factual situation as it is. These steps are:

• While reacting to any unpleasant or undesirable situation, simply become aware that “I have refused to accept a fact or factual situation.”
• Also become aware that “I have indulged into mechanical thinking.”
• As soon as mind raises a question or statement on an undesirable situation (e.g. “I lost my job.”), put a full stop after this question or statement, thus accepting it as a fact. If mind raises further counter argument (e.g. “But, my colleagues much older to me have not lost their jobs.”), again put a full stop after that argument and accept that also as a fact that cannot be changed. This practice must continue until mind gives-up throwing any new argument or question. Every time we put a full stop, we cut the food supply to the reactive mind, which survives on unbroken thoughts-stream. This practice of putting a ‘full stop’ after every statement the reactive mind makes will stop us from becoming ‘sad’. Eventually, the reactive mind will get exhausted and allow the conscious mind to take ‘ACTION’ appropriate to the accepted fact or factual situation. And the ACTION alone can take us out of the unpleasant or undesirable situation. 

Molesting a Flower

Incidents of molesting women are not new. They are perhaps as old as the human race. However, in the modern times, they seem to be happening at alarming frequency. Often the argument is made that women themselves are responsible. They attract undue attention of men by dressing provocatively. This argument is just like saying; a beautiful flower is responsible for its own molestation.

Who doesn’t want attention? The whole purpose of dressing and make-up is to draw attention. Multi-billion dollar fashion and make-up industry thrives on the basic human desire of “looking good”. Would a girl like to walk un-noticed among people? But, question is what type of attention does a girl want? Of course, that of genuine appreciation. Just like appreciating the natural beauty of a flower. Natural beauty of a flower can never go un-noticed. But, everyone who appreciates this natural beauty does not pluck the flower. Only those rare few would do so who want to possess it by force. They can’t even see the beauty, what to talk of appreciation. They don’t understand that the beauty of a flower is in its liveliness. And, it is alive only on the tree. Such people are mentally sick.

We need to tackle this menace with two-prong approach. On one hand, every parent must own the responsibility of raising children who can see and appreciate beauty in everything around them. On the other hand, we must create tough laws with exemplary punishments to deal with those few who escape such healthy upbringing. Our media also must own the responsibility of educating the young minds on the needs and means of appreciating (and not molesting) the beauty.

In the nature, everything is naked. No animal or bird wears any cloth. And yet, we appreciate their beauty. In fact, we appreciate them only because they are in their natural forms. Hence, inability to see beauty beyond so called provocative dressing is the weakness of our own minds. A weak mind will continue to get provoked with any dressing or exposure. Rehabilitation of such weak minds is the only long-term solution.

Moving Forward

Sometimes, we feel stuck at a point in life. Nothing interests any longer. Life seems worthless. It is a natural reaction to look backward. We start blaming everything and everybody associated with our past. It is true that we are in the current situation because of our past. But, no amount of blaming the past will change the past, as it is dead and gone. The only use of this past is to learn valuable lessons. If we don’t learn any lesson from our past, then we are condemned to repeat the same thing that happened in the past.

If what we did or didn’t do in the past led us to the current situation, then what we do or don’t do NOW will shape our future. The most important decision that we must take is whether to blame the past and stay stuck in the current situation or bury the past and move forward with a fresh outlook. We cannot move forward with the baggage of the past. And, this attitude has to be maintained throughout the life – moment to moment. This is the secret of small children’s cheerfulness. They don’t hold grudges. Minutes after a fierce fight with friends or siblings, they are playing again as if nothing happened. This unconscious attitude helps them move forward and grow.

Journey of a thousand mile starts with a small step. And, this step has to be taken by us alone. Others can only facilitate our journey by providing resources and guidance. But that too will happen only when we start walking. If we wait for an ideal opportunity to start the journey, it may never happen. We must make use of whatever opportunity comes our way. One opportunity leads to another and thus we move in life towards our goal. Almost all high achievers in the world had to struggle through many undesirable jobs before they found their dream job. Holding the life standstill at a point can never be an option. Nature ensures that.

My Choice, What Price?

Recently, Deepika’s My Choice video has created quite a storm on social media. In the world of today, it has become fashionable to voice your thoughts, which you would have otherwise kept to yourself. And, when it comes from a celebrity it makes big news. In this particular case, I am not sure what is the purpose of voicing such a strong cocktail of choices. What kind of societal change is expected out of this? Should we all have a license to choose whatever we may imagine? Are we living in a vacuum? Don’t we need the company of others?

I am a strong believer of “My life, my choice”. We are what we are because of the choices we have made in the past. Even now, we are constantly making choices which will determine our future shape of life. We can’t let our mind run amok with random choices, unless we don’t care whatever happens to our lives. Ability to choose is endowed only to human species. Other species can’t choose. We can use this ability to go ‘up’ or ‘down’ in life. If the choice is right, life will be right. Choice is ours.

Yes, we are free to choose. But, we have to use this freedom responsibly. Celebrities need to act much more responsibly than we mortals, because millions of young minds blindly follow them as their role models. We are free to choose, but our choice should not curtail others’ freedom to choose. Otherwise there will be anarchy in the society. Choices bounded by responsible execution can blossom into beautiful societies where everyone’s right choice is accommodated.

Hope never dies

Despite having all the information, intelligence and knowledge, no one can accurately predict what will happen tomorrow or even in the next moment. The future will always remain uncertain. Hope lies in this uncertainty. So long as there is uncertainty, hope is alive.

We normally live by our habits and most of us have the habit of doubting future and losing hope. Nature's law is: whatever is repeatedly counted, increases with time. Therefore, we should make a habit of counting our blessings all the time. Everyone is blessed with some thing. Even a person having nothing, is at least blessed with his life. And, as long as one is alive, one can try.

Instead of asking, "what will happen tomorrow", one should ask, "what can I do today." Moment-to-moment, one should ask how can I best use my current resources (e.g. time, money, physical capacity, knowledge, etc.). When we give our 100% in the present moment, we gain a great sense of satisfaction that no one can snatch away from us. This sense of satisfaction will reduce the anxiety of the future. Thus we live through a series of satisfying moments. Future becomes incidental and inconsequential. If we have sincerely done our bit, nature will do its own bit in its own time best suited for our welfare. Our worrying about the future will only hinder nature's process.