Why do so many love affairs end-up in divorce soon after marriage? How do you find who is “right” for you before making the serious commitment called marriage?
I am reminded of an Indian movie of yesteryears called Aavishkar (Discovery). In this movie, the female protagonist asks her male counterpart, “Why are we not able to even sit together after marriage, while we used to long for seeing each other before marriage?” To this the male protagonist replies, “Before marriage, we used to do everything to impress each other. In the process, we would enhance our strong points and hide the weak ones. These meetings were short and sweet. So it was possible to hide our inherent shortcomings. These meetings hiked our expectations unreasonably. But, after marriage, it is no longer possible to hide anything. Pre-marital expectations are shattered. What we thought as love was no more than physical affinity associated with unreasonable expectations.”
I used to wonder why marriage is called an “institution”. Twenty eight years of my own marriage has taught me that in true marriage learning never stops. Every joy and every fight must lead to some learning and internal growth. It is said that the secret of a successful marriage is to have no expectations. Partners must understand and appreciate each other’s differences. They should complement their strengths and together rise above mere physical needs. You should try to be what you are. But, equally important is to accept the other as he/she is. The seed of true love grows in the soil of mutual acceptance.
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