Outliers aren't Self-made

I just finished listening to the audio book on "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. This book, I believe, has potential to revolutionise the way we look at self-made success icons. Educationists and planners around the world can make use of its significant findings in making better future societies where every individual's dignity is preserved and potential to rise is nurtured.

An outlier, according to Malcolm, is one who excels despite all odds and leaves everyone else much behind in his/her field of activity. Malcolm concludes that an outlier's success is not his/her own making. It is a product of many factors such as time of birth, opportunities, family & cultural legacy, circumstances, mentor and hard work. All factors are outside one's control, except the 'hard work'. And 'hard work' is what every outlier did.

Malcolm, through painstaking research, found that almost all the outliers had put in a minimum of 10,000 hours of hard work before their tipping points arrived. Most of this time was spent by them in total anonymity, as if they didn't care about the outcome. Then, suddenly they burst on the world scene. Other factors played vital roles along the way.

I am reminded of the oft repeated quote: "Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." I am also reminded of the famous verse from Bhagavad Gita wherein Lord Krishna tells Arjuna, "Your right is in action only, never to the fruits; let not the fruit of action be your motive nor let your attachment be to inaction." Those who don't give-up their quest are ultimately rewarded. This is what the outliers have proved.

My take from this book is: since we cannot control the result why worry about it. Why not concentrate all our energies in performing the present action to the best of our abilities? The joy of performing cannot be denied even by the nature. And this in itself is the greatest reward for any action.

If we wish to become an outlier, then we also need the help of other factors outside our control. In other words, we also need to be lucky. And the luck, as Derrell Royal defined, is where 'preparedness meets opportunity'. If someone has put in enough hard work to prepare himself, then his becoming an outlier is only a matter of time when suitable opportunity would knock his door.

An Ego Trip

There was a pile of stones lying outside a palace. A boy picked up a stone from the pile. The stone told the other stones that he was going abroad for better opportunities in life. As the boy hurled the stone towards the palace, the stone started thinking of the height and the wind. He felt great to be higher than the crowd. At last, his hard work was beginning to pay.

He enjoyed the cool breeze and the speed of the flight and pitied the other stones on the ground. The stone hit the palace window and fell inside on an expensive carpet. The shattering noise of the glass declared his arrival on the big scene. Soft landing on the thick carpet reassured his great success and the grand welcome after a long string of achievements.

He rested there for some days watching many royal events. He was thrilled to be part of it.
One morning, a palace worker found the stone on the carpet and threw it out. As the stone left the palace, he bid farewell to the job well done. He said to himself it was time to retire.

Eventually, the stone returned to the pile outside the palace. He shared his success story with the rest. Other stones advised him to write his autobiography, which would be a great source of inspiration for the future generations. The stone is currently busy writing it.

Such is the flight of our ego. Demystifying your ego is a “catch 22” situation. Who wants to be free from ego? Is it not the ego who wants to be free from itself? That is why, Buddha said, “Events happen, deeds are done. There is no individual doer of any deed.” He further advised, “Seeing is the only doing necessary.” Anything more I write, I am afraid, could be construed as part of my own ego trip.

Crime and Nationality

A dangerous trend seems to be spreading in the media. If someone commits a crime, his/her religion or nationality is used as an adjective while reporting the incident. The same is true when an injustice is done to an individual. This results in fuelling the sentiments of all those belonging to that religion or nationality. Every person of that faith or nationality is looked at suspiciously. The focus shifts from the ‘act’ to the ‘actor’ and the real purpose of reporting (help reduce the recurrence of such incidents) is lost.

There are all kinds of people in every religion and every nation. Why should the media generalise the act of one person or the suffering of one person with the entire mass? Why not treat every incident in its own context? It is far more important for a healthy society to enable each person to identify with his / her own weaknesses through objective reporting of an incident, rather than revel in exploiting others’ weaknesses. Then, perhaps, we would have a greater chance for world peace.

Preserving Roots

We have often heard of the quote, “Be a Roman when in Rome." But what about the roots? How can one preserve it while living outside one's own country?

Most of those who make a foreign country their home turn into either an 'atavist' (nurturing native roots even in a foreign soil) or the 'assimilator' (absorbed in foreign soil). However, both perpetually appear to struggle for peace within.

We have to play different roles wherever we are. To play them perfectly, each role demands a different treatment and a different attitude. There are serious implications of carrying a single identity in all the roles. That’s what probably happens with atavists and assimilators. Atavists carry their native identity everywhere, while assimilators do the same with their adopted identity. Both refuse to change as per the situation and tend to spoil the play.

There is no denying that our roots must be respected. But that is an internal matter. One may find a variety of ways to nurture them even in a foreign soil without conflicting with local customs. However, the customs of the foreign soil must also be equally respected when dealing with various entities in our day-to-day lives. Indeed, when one is firmly rooted in one’s own culture, the beauty of other culture can be truly appreciated. Mutual appreciation of each other’s cultures enriches both the cultures.

True spirit of Fasting

Benefits of fasting have been advocated in all religions in one way or the other. While searching for the genesis of fasting I recently chanced upon the following view:

In ancient times, when great seers used to meditate upon divine thoughts they often used to forget their physical demands, including hunger. For days together they would be engrossed in their meditation, oblivious of all surroundings. For the external world, they were fasting, but deep inside they were drinking the divine nectar. Fasting was a natural state of the body when soul was engaged in divine contemplation.

So, while fasting if mind races towards food then we are far away from the true spirit of fasting. True fasting is not simply going hungry, which may at best cleanse the body. True fasting is a great way of cleansing soul. Thoughts play most important role during fasting. We are where our thoughts are.

I don’t have time

When we procrastinate we often say, “I don’t have time for this now.”

Nature has been absolutely fair in distributing time. Everyone has 24 hours in a day. No more and no less. It is up to us what we do with these 24 hours in a day. Heads of states and large organizations don’t have even a second more than what we common people have in a day. How is it that they are able to accomplish so much in the same time?

I believe the answer lies in their ability to distinguish between ‘important’ and ‘urgent’ tasks. Both are not same. An important task may not be urgent and an urgent task may not be important.

Important tasks are those that would bring long-term and lasting benefits. They are necessary to sustain the life and living. They are also critical in providing inner growth / maturity. Examples could be daily exercise, meditation, learning new skills, developing career goals, bonding with family and friends, working for the greater cause benefitting society, etc.

Urgent tasks, on the other hand, are those that must be done now. They are controlled by externally set narrow deadlines. They may even threaten your very survival. They are often associated with anxiety and stress. Examples could be: fixing a failed equipment or system on which the entire organization is dependent, responding to your superior’s call, responding to nature’s call, submitting a paper or report against a fast approaching deadline, renewing important documents or permissions that are about to expire, etc.

In this context, Stephen Covey’s famous Time Management Quadrant is worth looking at:

If we allow ourselves to be constantly driven by the urgent tasks in life, it may become our habit and ultimately an addiction, whereby unless a task becomes urgent we don’t act.

No one ever got ahead in life, or became successful, by just doing the urgent things. The people who get ahead in life, the people who realize their goals, and achieve the things they want in their life, all have one thing in common. They do what is important. They do what is important even though it means putting off at least some of the things that are urgent, or seem urgent.

I often use the following set of questions to sort out my priority of tasks:

• Would ‘not doing this task’ threaten my survival so that it must be done now?
• Is this task facing a tight deadline (fixed by my superiors or clients) so that I must give it a high priority over other important tasks?
• Is this task important for my future career / growth? Can I squeeze it in between other urgent tasks or schedule it at a definite time of the day? I understand that even incremental progress on an important task regularly would make me move forward and feel better.
• Is this task part of my daily healthy routine and doing which I shall feel refreshed and more energetic?
• Would this task result in no lasting benefits for me or others and hence can be dropped?
• Is this task in accordance with my conscience which, like a compass, always points to that which is right for me?

What is your way of prioritizing? Please share your secrets of managing your time.

Maintaining Techno-sanity

Technology appears to be moving faster than what was imagined only a few years back. Moore's Law (the number of transistors on a chip doubles about every two years) seems to be getting outdated. Almost every part of our lives is invaded by some gizmo.

If you think that the medical science is enjoying the pinnacle of its success today, then hear what a medical expert says about its future: "One hundred years from now, people will look back at today's medical science just as we are looking back at snake-oil treatments of the past."

Such relentless growth in technology is hardly surprising when you consider the scientific fact that most humans use less than five per cent of their total neurons in their brains during their entire lives. If, with such little use of the brain, we can create so much technology, then there is a long way to go as we learn to use more of our brain-cells.

Should we be scared of such technological growth? I believe NO. I also believe that the future of technology is in simplifying life, not further complicating it. Soon our car will be able to take a verbal command and drive us to our destination via the least congested route in the safest possible manner. By and large, technology will make available a lot of free time. But what do we do with this free time? This, in my opinion, is the million-dollar question.

So the problem is not in technology itself, but our lack of purpose in life. When we do not know what we want in life, then we are bound to get lost and overwhelmed by the multitude of available options. Technology is a means, not an end. One is not obliged to use all the available technologies. The world is beautiful with people of different abilities. Everyone does not have to be tech-savvy. There is no shame in not knowing how to operate the latest gizmos if it is not required to achieve your goal in life. Just as necessity is the mother of invention, let necessity be the mother of utility. This, in my humble opinion, is the only way to maintain techno-sanity.

Made for each other

Why do so many love affairs end-up in divorce soon after marriage? How do you find who is “right” for you before making the serious commitment called marriage?

I am reminded of an Indian movie of yesteryears called Aavishkar (Discovery). In this movie, the female protagonist asks her male counterpart, “Why are we not able to even sit together after marriage, while we used to long for seeing each other before marriage?” To this the male protagonist replies, “Before marriage, we used to do everything to impress each other. In the process, we would enhance our strong points and hide the weak ones. These meetings were short and sweet. So it was possible to hide our inherent shortcomings. These meetings hiked our expectations unreasonably. But, after marriage, it is no longer possible to hide anything. Pre-marital expectations are shattered. What we thought as love was no more than physical affinity associated with unreasonable expectations.”

I used to wonder why marriage is called an “institution”. Twenty eight years of my own marriage has taught me that in true marriage learning never stops. Every joy and every fight must lead to some learning and internal growth. It is said that the secret of a successful marriage is to have no expectations. Partners must understand and appreciate each other’s differences. They should complement their strengths and together rise above mere physical needs. You should try to be what you are. But, equally important is to accept the other as he/she is. The seed of true love grows in the soil of mutual acceptance.

Creating Energy at 93

At 93, most of us, if alive, would have spent all our energies and would be dependent on various support systems. But not the nonagenarian artist named MF Husain.

Creativity, according to him, cannot be planned. It is spontaneous like a spark. We all experience such moments in our lives. But, very few are alert enough to capture these moments. MF Husain is one of those rare beings who has achieved this.

Strangely, the source of Husain’s immense energy is his work itself. Instead of spending energy, he creates energy while painting. He explains the secret: when you enjoy what you do, you don’t tire. Indeed, you become a mere witness to your own doings. You emerge from it more relaxed, ever fresh and a better human being. The secret of his longevity is also very simple. He always eats less than what he wants to. He is open to all possibilities in life, much like a child who is ever ready to experiment with whatever crosses his path and is filled with wonderment at the simplest of sights. We can learn a lot from such an exemplary life and turn our simple day-to-day activities into works of art.

Redefining Love

Where there is love, there is magic. According to a Greek proverb, ‘The heart that loves is always young’.

Love, I believe, is what happens when your heart is content with all that you have. It is the unconditional singing of a bird, blooming of a flower and flowing of a river, without any motive, without any expectation. It is wrong to say that it causes anguish. Anguish is caused by the unfulfilled demands and expectations that we subtly associate with our so-called love. True love shines forth from those hearts that only know giving. Total acceptance of a person without any prejudice or exception is the right step towards true love. A person filled with true love is not afraid of rejection.

Dr Karl Menninger rightly says, ‘Love cures people — both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it’. There is no fall in true love. You can only rise in love.

Free as a Bird

Those who manage to break from a very rigid environment often go berserk and cause greater harm to themselves. I have seen many children under the strict home environment performing very well in school, but losing their way in the open environment of college. Is a prison-like environment necessary for bringing out the best in a person? Is the open and free environment responsible for a person’s downfall? I believe that neither is true.

While an overtly strict environment may generate extraordinary growth in one dimension, the growth of other aspects remains stunted. Such a person cannot stand the trials and tribulations of the external world. The suppressed desires, when given opportunities, burst out and may even ruin the person.

Whoever coined the expression ‘free as a bird’‚ must have realised the true value of freedom. History is testimony to so many civil wars fought by common men seeking ‘freedom’. Freedom is our original nature. Just as no seed can blossom into a tree without freedom, a person cannot realise his/her full potential without a free environment.

Home is the first nursery where children are taught to face the world. Their hidden potential is carefully nurtured, not caged. Their unique talents are allowed to find roots. Their wings are allowed to open-up and strengthen. Children must be brought up in an environment where parents lead value-based exemplary lives. Reasons, not orders, should be exercised. Freedom should never be a casualty at home. Children would leave such a home only to return with better growth and good taste of life.

Making Peace with Problems

Once I asked a learned Chinese colleague, why the life has to be full of problems? Why it cannot be straight and simple? His reply was worth contemplating, “If life was simple and straight, don’t you think it would be so boring.”

In sport, we look forward to a tough fight. Tougher is the opponent, greater is the joy of playing. Why then the same is not true with respect to everyday events in the life? There must be something seriously wrong in the way we perceive the problems.

We seem to be living at two levels. One is the level of ‘existence’, where everything always happens in the present. At this level, we react to a situation spontaneously according to our capability and maturity. The other level is that of the ‘mind’, which is never present in the present. It is either journeying in the past gathering pride & guilt, or looking into future building anxiety & fear. At this level, competitions and comparisons are the orders of the day. Also, at this level, we don’t accept what is offered in the present. We want something ‘else’. It is our deep identification with this ‘mental living’ that gives rise to all the ‘problems’.

The key to making peace with problems is to first ‘accept’ whatever is currently offered in the life. Then, look for means of resolving a particular issue at hand with all sincerity. Having done whatever was required and possible under the circumstances, relax and be prepared to accept any outcome. It is strange but true. Events have a way of sorting themselves out. There are no ‘problems’ out in the world, there are only ‘opportunities’. We, however, perceive them as problems. Finally, I am inspired by the following prayer:

“God grant me the
Serenity to accept
the things I cannot change…
Courage to change
the things I can...
and Wisdom to
know the difference.”

Simple is sufficient

The use of technical and misleading jargon is rampant among modern-day professionals around the world. Besides conveying nothing, their usage blocks debate, arrests analysis and resists interrogation. The jargon-filled ornamental language may mesmerise the audience, but can hardly communicate any meaning of substance.

The main purpose of any language is to communicate thoughts as clearly as possible. One should be able to invoke a glimpse of the original vision from where the thoughts first emerged. The use of a term that is well defined and widely accepted enhances communication. Quotations also play a very important role in the process of communication. A suitable and timely quotation can provide, in a flash, deep insight to the essence of what one wishes to communicate. But, using fast emerging jargon that conceals or twists the real intrinsic meanings or rampant use of quotations just to impress the listener is a huge blockage to effective communication.

My secondary school headmaster was a man of letters. And yet, his English was always simple. He used to say, “Keep your sentences short. Use simple vocabulary. Concentrate on the thought that you want to convey.” I find his teaching being echoed in the phrase commonly used nowadays, KISS (Keep It Simple and Straight).

I am also reminded of an incident. The first Indian Nobel Laureate Rabindranath Tagore translated his own winning work, ‘Gitanjali’ from his native language ‘Bengali’ to English. This translation was submitted to a team of English language experts in Great Britain, who proposed a small change with respect to grammar. Tagore accepted it. But, when he was reciting this translation before an august audience in Great Britain, WB Yeats expressed his unhappiness exactly at the spot where the change was made. He insisted Tagore on reverting to his original version, even though it was grammatically incorrect, since it conveyed the real spirit more effectively. Grammar can sometimes be the graveyard of language.

If I am unable to convey the essence of my thoughts in the simplest of language to the commonest of persons appealing to his/her common sense, then I have failed in the purpose of communication.

Trust is the basis

Trust is the greatest insignia of all human transactions anywhere in the world. Although written words; formalities; policies and procedures are given utmost importance, trust is the final criteria on which a transaction takes place. All the other methods are only steps towards building adequate trust. Winning a client’s trust is the single most vital key to winning business around the world these days.

Often, when all meticulously done analysis point to a successful result, an unexplained feeling of doubt or discomfort may linger on and halt the final transaction. Similarly, there are occasions when the opposite happens. We just feel like going for something even when all indications are otherwise. Papers and numbers are gross and hence have limited depth. But feelings are subtle and based on deeper sources, often beyond explanation, and yet more reliable. Management gurus advise people to listen to their ‘gut feelings’ in the face of a crisis.

It is relatively easier to break a promise made on paper, but it is far more difficult to turn back from a promise made on trust. When we do not fulfil our obligations as per the written words, we could be punished by the law of the land. But when we break someone’s trust, our own conscience would haunt us for the rest of life. This, perhaps, is the premise on which all human relations thrive. In the final analysis, papers may bind people, but trust binds souls.

Magical Mornings

There is something magical about mornings. If reading a poem about the morning's glory could calm a turbulent mind, what would be the real experience of getting up before sunrise and walking into the dawn.

First college, and then work always started in the early hours of the day, forcing me to forsake the bed while it was still dark. I used to hate getting up so early. But now, I am grateful. My parents insisted on my studying in the morning hours without explaining why. I still don’t know the reasons, but almost always found solutions to intriguing problems in the early hours of the dawn. There must be something magical about mornings.

With rested body, fresh mind, clean air, silent environment, dewy surroundings and lifting darkness one can easily slip into contemplative mood and tap on to the nature’s infinite hidden resources. The thoughts that we begin our day with cast powerful influence on whatever happens during the day. The magic created by the morning flows through the day.

Demystifying Depression

Dictionary meaning of ‘depression’ is: a state of low spirits or feeling low, which clearly suggests that it does not occur in physical body. It is a deeper psychic condition resulting from still deeper and subtle phenomenon. Consequently, no cure is possible at the level of physical body. And yet, we resort to pills, whenever feeling depressed, without realising their zero effects on the root cause and disastrous side-effects on the body.

It is true that our expectations from life have exponentially increased in modern times. Many of these expectations are unrealistic or even contradictory. While unrealistic expectations remain unfulfilled, contradictory expectations pull us in opposite directions. Both the conditions produce internal stress, which could result in depression.

Life seems worthless only when there is no meaning to living. A meaningful purpose would give a direction to the life. And, when we know the final goal, it is not so difficult to filter-out numerous thoughts that would have given rise to unrealistic or unnecessary expectations – not in line with the goal. Thus controlling and directing every thought against the backdrop of life’s chosen mission, one may keep the depression absolutely at bay.

A meaningful ‘Purpose’ in life, not the ‘Pill’, is what one needs to fight ‘depression’.

Question of Equality

Those who talk of men-women equality make two vital assumptions:

• Women are a weaker sex;
• Both men and women are of the same kind and hence can be compared.

In my opinion, both of these assumptions are wrong. The very fact that life is conceived, nurtured and brought into this world by a woman, despite the unbearable pain of delivery, proves that women are much stronger than men. Additionally, the physical and mental constructs of both men and women are fundamentally different, thus putting them into dissimilar categories. Comparing men with women is like comparing apples with oranges.

Both men and women possess unique qualities that complement each other. It is nature’s grand plan to maintain the difference between Yin and Yang so that the world can survive as a whole. And, it is our obligation to respect this difference and stop comparing the incomparable but equally beautiful creations of God.

Spirit of Generosity

At the onset of the holy month of Ramadan, I thought of posting one of my earlier letter published in the local newspaper more than three years ago. Here it goes:

Every society and every religion speaks about the benevolence of giving. According to Holy Koran, “Prayer comes half way to God, fasting brings us to the door of His palace and alms giving procures us admission.”

And, yet each one of us has his/her own understanding of “giving”. Some do it to gain recognition; some others do it to gain personal favours; and still some others do it purely in form of a business transaction. Hardly anyone does it unconditionally. Joseph Kasper Lavater says, “The manner of giving shows the character of the giver than the gift itself.” It is often said that your left hand should not know what your right hand has given. One does not have to be rich to give. With the spirit of true generosity, even a pauper can give like a prince. I was touched by the following story of a boy demonstrating this spirit of true generosity:

“I once went to see a Circus with my father. Ahead of us in the queue was a family of six – parents and four young children – all excited. When they reached the window, the counter man told the proud father that their six tickets would cost $40. Hearing this, the man’s jaws dropped as he fumbled with only three $10 notes in his hand. However, oblivious of this development, children were playing excitedly. With the certainty of ending their excitement pre-maturely, blood drained out of that man’s face. At this instant, my father dropped a $10 note on the ground and tapped on that man’s shoulder saying, “This has dropped out of your pocket.” That man squeezed my father’s hand in silent gratitude as we left the queue.

Having parted with the only money my father had, we returned without watching the circus. But, what I had seen would remain with me for the rest of my life.”

True Wealth

When we think of 'wealth', we only think of 'money'. So much so that in modern times money has become the barometer of success. We are ready to sacrifice everything in the pursuit of money. Last night, I happened to listen to a recorded talk by Bhupendra Bhai Pandya, who discussed 'what is true wealth' quoting from works of the legendry Raja Bharthari (Ruler of Ujjain, India, around 5th Century). I wish to capture and share the essence of his enlightening talk in this posting.

There are nine types of 'wealth' in the world. One who possesses all of them is the most fortunate person. These nine types of wealth are:

1. Cultured Children

• Research by the Sociologists and Psychologists all over the world has revealed that a ‘boy’ loves his mother but imitates his father and a ‘girl’ loves her father but imitates her mother.
• Children don’t do what their parents tell them to do. They do what parents themselves do.
• Children, from very early age, are most alert in observing their parents’ behavior. However, they look for consistency in any behavior and eventually imitate such consistent conduct in their own lives when they grow.
• Consequently, parents should themselves live a cultured life consistently in order to have cultured children.

2. Beloved Wife

• You marry a girl, not a wife. This girl should subsequently be transformed into a ‘wife’. It is a life-long effort.
• Physical attraction would disappear soon after marriage. But, mutual understanding is the ‘glue’ that grows with time and keeps the marriage intact. Indeed, it makes your wife beloved in due course of time.
• You must continuously make effort towards developing this understanding. Every encounter, whether pleasant or unpleasant, must lead to a deeper mutual understanding.

3. Happy-faced Husband

• When husband returns home with a long face, the entire atmosphere of the home becomes tense. This causes adverse impact on the wife and children. Such homes can never enjoy life’s happiness, no matter how much money they may have.
• Just as you don’t take home’s tension to your work while meeting your clients or boss, try leaving behind the work’s tension also at work. Force a smile on your face, if have to, while returning home.
• No problem is big enough for a family which lives in the oasis of a happy home.

4. Affectionate Friend

• True friend is one who sees your enormous fault as a mole and even a small goodness in you as a huge plus. He trusts your integrity and goodness.
• A true friend may not be by your side when you are celebrating, but he will never leave your side when you are in any trouble.
• A true friend is one to whom you can confide your secrets.
• We cannot choose our relatives, but we can certainly choose our friends. Even one true friend is enough as a great wealth.

5. Trustworthy Co-workers or Employees

• Your work is a pleasure, when you are surrounded with trustworthy people. An environment of mistrust saps your energy and happiness.
• People don’t work for money alone. How they are treated at work matters most.

6. Mind without worries

• The most effective means of keeping the mind free from worries is to keep constant company of ‘good’ literature and people (also called ‘sat sang’, literally meaning company of that which is eternal truth).
• Avoid those who indulge in loose talk and gossip. Such people fill your mind with negativity without your knowledge.

7. Pleasant Personality

• Having a beautiful or handsome body is not a guarantee of having a pleasant personality.
• Your personality becomes pleasant only when you radiate warmth of genuine love towards others around you, whether or not you possess a beautiful or handsome body.
• Everyone enjoys the company of those having pleasant personalities and despise those who don’t, despite their having the most beautiful or handsome bodies.

8. Steady wealth

• A river flooding your home is of no use to you, despite giving you enormous amount of water. On the other hand, a water-well near your home is your life-line, despite having limited water quantity but a steady supply of water whenever you need.
• Similarly, pursue that profession that provides a steady income. Don’t look forward to getting a windfall of money. It could be a source of misery for you.

9. Face glowing with Knowledge

• Knowledge is not what you read. It is merely information.
• True knowledge is what you gain as a result of applying that information into practice.
• Such knowledge makes your face glow with confidence and humility. People are naturally drawn towards such faces.

Question of Ethics

According to G. E. Moore (“Principia Ethica”, 1903), 'Ethics' is a systematic science of giving correct reasons for thinking that this or that is ‘good’. He further explains that ‘good’ is a simple notion, just as ‘yellow’ is a simple notion. Both ‘yellow’ and ‘good’ are notions of that simple kind, out of which other definitions are composed and which themselves cannot be further defined. Just as you cannot, by any manner or means, explain to anyone who does not already know it, 'what yellow is', so you cannot explain 'what good is'. Such is the dilemma of defining what is good or ethics.

Notwithstanding the above, ethics is important for human existence. We must remember that we are all inter-connected in the universe. A ‘good’ or ‘bad’ act by one will eventually affect all (including oneself) — now as well as in the future. What goes round comes around. Ethics, in this context, is beyond the laws of land and accepted traditions & norms of different societies. It is individual and self-imposed. It is directly proportional to one's internal (spiritual) development.

Perhaps, the following self-enquiries may help in establishing whether we are acting (and hence living) ethically:

• Do I wish others to do the same things to me as I wish to do to them?
• Will I proudly face my mother after performing the task I am about to undertake?
• Will I be able to proudly declare later to my children what I am about to do?
• Will I be able to sleep peacefully tonight after performing this task?

Why fear Death?

Death is the only certain thing in life. Death is also unknown for those who are still living. Why, then, the fear of death is considered the ultimate fear? What is in death that is so scary? Since no one knows for sure what happens in death or thereafter, it must be something other than death that we fear. Could it be the loss of 'opportunity to live' that we fear most?

Life, indeed, happens to us while we are busy making plans for the future. We keep searching for that illusive contentment through worldly possessions and running after borrowed dreams. We hardly live in the present where life is pulsating in glorious colours.

We miss it every moment and hence remain hungry for the life. We also know that the end can come anytime unannounced. The thought that we may die without fully living the life, generates fear of death. How much we enjoy what we have is more important than how much we have. Imagine someone always living in the present. Death for him will be a welcome rest. In this context, I am reminded of Stephen Levine’s powerful quotation:

“If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call to make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?”

Power of Emotions

Our emotions have power to either catapult us to the greatest height of human evolution or plunge into the darkest pit of destruction. A tiny thought may convert into a powerful desire which may go through subsequent modifications and lead to a variety of other emotions. The Indian celestial song, "Bhagavad Gita" explains how emotions undergo vaious modifications (2nd chapter, verses 62-63). I present below my humble attempt to depict this roller-coaster of emotions in form of a flow-chart:

At Loggerheads

On the eve of Independence Days for both India and Pakistan, I wish to reproduce my letter to a local newspaper published a couple of years back:

‘A GLIMPSE of the past’ by Irfan Husain (KT, Jan 5, 2007) highlighted an important aspect in relation to India and Pakistan. Both countries share the same history, which is the sum total of their traditions, cultures, languages etc. Why, then, are both the countries at loggerheads with each other since the Partition in 1947? Why can’t they live like two brothers who decided to quit the sanctuary of a joint family for maintaining greater peace between each other? Are we focusing more on our differences than our similarities? Who does not have differences? And, can’t we use our differences to complement our strengths and cover our weaknesses? I am reminded of the following Ghazal by the famous poet, Ali Sardar Jaffery, which echoes my views:

“Ghulam tum bhi thhe yaaron,
ghulam ham bhi thhe
Naha ke khoon mein aayi thi fasle azadi
Maza to tab tha ki milkar ilaaj-e- jaan karte
Khud apne haath se taameer-e-gulistaan karte
Hammare dard mein tum,
aur tumhare dard mein ham Shareek hote to jashne aashiyaan karte
Tum aao gulshan-e-Lahore se chaman bardosh
Hum ayen subhe Banaras ki roshni lekar
Himalaye ki hawaaon ki taazgi lekar
Aur iske baad ye punchhen kaun dushman hai.”

(You and me shed our blood for this freedom; and together we could have strived for common cures. Together… laid our gardens and shared our sorrows; and together celebrated our joys. You bring the breeze from the gardens of Lahore, we come from Banares with the light of its fabled dawn, with freshness of the winds of the eternal Himalayas, and ask of the other, who is the enemy?…)

Life is like Tea

I wish to share the following story received through an email from a friend:

A professor in an American university called his final year students for a farewell tea party at his home. Since the students were too many, he brought out all sorts of cups and mugs he could find in his house along with the tea and asked the students to help themselves. When everyone settled with a cup or mug in his/her hand, he asked them to analyse their feelings. He asked, "Is it not that all of you wanted to pick-up the most expensive cups? Those who got the expensive ones felt proud and those, who had to settle for cheaper cups/mugs, felt disappointed and jealous of the others. Even now, is it not that you are eyeing each other's cups? And yet, you came here to enjoy tea, which is same in every cup/mug. Most importantly, you will leave behind the cups for which you spoiled the enjoyment of tea."

Life is like tea continuously being served in a variety of pots -- name, fame, position, possessions, etc. We spend the whole life running after them, while missing to enjoy the very life contained in them. Every atom in the universe is pulsating with the same life. We can enjoy it here and now through whatever we have at present.

The Child is the father of the Man

When William Wordsworth wrote the above quote, he must have meant that the seeds of an adult’s personality are sown in the childhood. Consequently, a great deal of responsibilities falls on parents’ shoulders to properly groom their child.

I am reminded of a story. A man was watching the wonderful emergence of a butterfly from the skin of a caterpillar. Seeing the butterfly’s struggle to break out of the tight skin, he decided to help. He tore open the skin making it easier for the butterfly to come out. However, on emergence, the butterfly fell on the ground fluttering its wings in vain. His kindness killed the creature that could have mesmerised the world with its beauty. Nature has its own design to prepare every creature for its survival in the world. The butterfly’s struggle was the process of strengthening the wings.

Similarly, every child must grow through a process of struggle at every stage. It struggles to breathe soon after the birth. It struggles to turn when curious of its surroundings. It struggles to walk when fired with the desire of reaching for tempting objects. The journey goes on until obsessive parents interrupt it with their excessively caring approach. Perhaps, the hyper parenting has more to do with parents’ needs to feel important than it does with their child’s needs. Besides, how long parents can be around to provide protection? It is necessary to protect a sapling from the attacks of harsh weather. It is also desirable to provide support when the plant is growing. But, the protective support must be gradually withdrawn as the plant grows in its size and strength. Nature knows how to protect. Let’s give enough breathing space and elbow room to our children so that they may spread their wings fully, while we are still around, and soar high in the sky later.

Driving reveals true Personality

A person carries two personalities — one that he really is and the other that he wishes to show in society. In face-to-face transactions, he behaves the way society demands in order to protect his reputation. However, in a car, he becomes faceless — as if wearing a mask. Then, inhibitions are dropped and the real nature manifests itself in driving. We can easily spot these varying human natures in form of cars on the road — impatient, short-tempered, ill-mannered and bullying cars in contrast to gentle, well-mannered and courteous cars.

I wonder how one would drive, if his/her picture is displayed on the outside.

Fame Mentality

There was a time when people used to buy what they needed, when they needed and what they could afford. But, now we wish to buy anything that catches our fancy. Flames of desires are fanned by the incessant onslaught of eye-catching ads. What appears as a mere sight in an ad one moment becomes ‘must-have’ the very next moment. We change things even before the end of their useful lives. Shopping is no longer buying what we need, but a form of entertainment for which no money is enough. If we look around in our homes, we would surely spot so many things that we never seriously needed. What has caused such a change in our mentality? Are we happier than before?

Most of us have now acquired ‘fame mentality.’ We see a celebrity sporting a dress or an accessory and we start seeing ourselves in them. We want to remain in fashion, which is changing faster than our earning capacities. We ‘somehow’ pay for all these and take prides in being part of ‘high society.’ We never realise that no model pay for what they sport. We also fail to see that anything worn by them would look attractive, thanks to their well-managed physiques. But, is the same thing true with our physical constructs? And, what about our happiness?

The secret of happiness lies in managing desires, not in pampering and purposelessly pursuing them. But for this, one has to have a meaningful purpose in life. Desires would then get a direction and transform into real needs. Then, life can be lived based on ‘needs’ for a purpose giving happiness in the process. Then, whatever you do would become ‘fashion’ for the rest. The bare footed famous painter - M. F. Hussain - is the modern day evidence of this fact.

Conscience Calling

There was a person who ran over a cat while driving. However, he stopped, carried the dead body to a nearby bush, covered it with some dead leaves and said a silent prayer for its soul. Treating even a cat’s death as no less than a human death was his way of responding to his conscience’s call.

Conscience is like a mariner’s compass — always pointing towards that which is ‘right’. We all carry this ‘conscience.’ Yet, while some of us hardly even recognise its presence, some ignore its calling and some rare ones respond. It appears that such differences have something to do with our 'selfishness'.

Some of us are so busy with our selfish gratifications that nothing else exists beyond our own interests. Conscience does not bother such people. Then, there are those who accept the presence of others, but attempt to fulfil their own interests even at the cost of other’s interests. Such people often ignore their conscience’s calls. Rare indeed are those who always put others’ interests first. Conscience appears to support every act of such individuals. They are always at peace with themselves.

Randy Pausch: The Last Lecture

Recently, a dear friend sent me the link to this video (http://blip.tv/file/470585).

Randy Pausch was the professor of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon University. He pioneered research in linking Art with Computer Science. He introduced innovative courses and became the role model for entire teaching faculty in USA by imparting knowledge in the most entertaining ways. Pausch learned that he had pancreatic cancer, a terminal illness, in September of 2006. On September 18, 2007, Carnegie Mellon invited him to deliver this "Last Lecture". He died on July 25, 2008.

In this "Last Lecture", Pausch talks about how he fulfilled his childhood dreams, how he helped others fulfil their childhood dreams and what he learnt in life along the way. This video is deeply moving and enlightening.

While watching this video, I jotted down the following "Head Fakes" (Paush's indirect learnings):

1. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted.
2. Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things.
3. Wait long enough and people will surprise you and impress you.
4. Decide if you're Tigger (Happy) or Eeyore (Sad).
5. Never lose child-like wonder.
6. Help others.
7. Loyalty is a two-way street.
8. If you are a girl and if a boy is attracted towards you, then ignore what he says and only pay attention to what he does to know his genuinity.
9. Never give-up.
10. You can't get there alone. This is how you can get people to help you:
    · Believe in Karma (What goes round, comes around)
    · Tell the truth.
    · Be earnest.
    · Apologise when you screw up.
    · Focus on others, not yourself.
11. Get a feedback-loop; and listen to it.
12. Show gratitude, where it is due.
13. Don’t complain; just work harder.

Following are Pausch's Important Advices:

• Be good at something; it makes you valuable.
• Work hard...People would ask, "What is your secret?"
• Find the best in everybody; no matter how long you have to wait for them to show it.
• Be prepared: "Luck" is where preparation meets opportunity.

Old is Gold

Of course, there are some who simply age and don’t grow. They don’t learn from their lives and cannot offer anything back to the society. But, for the majority who enter old age, it is a graceful transition. What they say is not only tried and tested but also what they have already lived. They may often sound rude because they don’t care about getting recognition or anything else in return any more. They no longer pretend and play games. They speak their minds like children do. But, what they say is, in no way, ‘childish’. They have a lot to return to the society. It will be a grave mistake to let this pool of wisdom die un-utilised.

Will Durant says, “(Alas!) If youth had wisdom of the old and the old had energy of the youth, then the world would have been a heaven.” A car needs both the ‘accelerator’ and the ‘brake’ for its safe journey. Similarly, society needs both the ‘youth’ (providing energy) and the ‘old’ (providing wisdom) for its peace and progress. We can certainly bridge the generation gap if youth respects and seeks ‘wisdom’ from the old and the old believes in the ‘energy’ of the ‘youth’.

My humble advice to the children and adult is to not miss any opportunity of learning from the older generations whether at home or at work. What you learn from them is not theoretical; it is down-right applicable to your own lives. It is a bit like the relay race in which the older generation passes on the baton of experience to the younger generation in keeping the race for progress going.

What precedes Thoughts?

We all know that thoughts precede actions. But, what precedes thoughts? We don’t know and we will never know as our knowledge rests within the realm of thoughts.

In a recent experiment, it was scientifically established that one becomes aware of a thought about 30 seconds after it has occurred to him/her. It is clear from this experiment that we cannot create thoughts and, therefore, cannot control them. Whatever we say about the state preceding thoughts can only be a 'concept.'

However, we can surely analyse what happens after thoughts occur to us. As soon as a thought occurs, the mind reacts spontaneously based on its conditioning and may propel the body into action - again almost spontaneously - if required. As soon as a thought is thus dealt with, another strange thing happens. The mind starts dwelling on that thought or the result of the action just performed. It either rambles backward in the past associating with past experiences or projects it into the future building hopes, anticipation and anxiety. Indeed, it is this trait of the mind that causes unending mental worries. What was a pure ‘happening’ without any of its control now becomes its ‘doing’ with associated pride or guilt. Ego is thus nourished. We perpetually live in such chain reactions of our thoughts accepting the mental 'noise' as 'normal.'

However, one may quieten this mental noise by simply observing the mind and its various ramblings in a detached manner. The pace of any event appears slower under intense scrutiny of unbiased 'observation.' For example, when you watch a clock continuously, it appears to move much slower. When such a practice is done repeatedly, mind begins to understand its futility in rambling between past and future. It starts lowering its gear until it is 'parked.'

This is perhaps what Sage Patanjali meant when he said, “Guide your thought process to Silence.” In a still mind, one gets a clear glimpse of reality – as it is – bringing internal peace and everlasting bliss. The world (and life) then becomes a mere play only to be enjoyed in all circumstances.

Outsourcing Guests

I was amused and at the same time amazed to read about the new fashion of hiring guests some time back: "Now, hire wedding guests from Rs100 to Rs500". It's no surprise that it had to start in Rajasthan, where there is an age-old tradition of hiring women to weep over a dead person. These women are known as 'Rudali'. However, in this tradition at least, the idea is to invoke the locked-up feelings of the relatives, which would otherwise cause long-term psychological damages. But to hire guests to simply show-off is not even a pleasant thought. What good such a show-off would do to either side, except inflating their egos and wasting loads of money? Those who witness such a grand play would forget it sooner or later. But, those who pay for it would never forget that it was a 'fake'.

How painful would it be looking at wedding photographs in which you could hardly relate to anyone, and which would always remind you of the put-on show? Instead, would it not be better to perform the ritual in the simplest manner with relatives, friends and genuine guests and spend the extra money on arranging the marriage of a poor girl who would never forget such a kind gesture till she lives?

Art imitates Life

Dissecting the reasons for current deplorable state of theatres in the South Asian sub-continent, someone asked, “Why is theatre important at all?” Theatre (or any art form) is an indispensable mirror to society. It reflects ‘what is prevailing now’ and stirs people’s courage to ‘change for the better.’

Some time back in the year 2005, I came across a news item "Prostitutes take centre stage to overturn stigma” reporting on how a renowned theatre group, ‘Nandikar’ in Kolkata (India), attempted to remove the stigma attached to prostitution by staging a play in which all the 23 actresses were professional sex workers depicting their humane aspect. It was reported that ordinary men and women in the audience sobbed and cried as the play unfolded.

It is said, “There is nothing right in history except names and dates. And, there is nothing wrong in drama except names and dates.” Art will always imitate life. No society can stifle creative minds. They will always find ways and means of expressing themselves. It is up to us what type of society we wish to create, live in and leave behind.

Small Act, Big Satisfaction

Once I went to a little road-side shop to change the battery in my watch. While replacing the battery, the man from the sub-continent informed me of some other defects as well and proceeded to fix them. He was one of all those displaced from the open market, which is now being re-built. He must have struggled to find this place and must re-discover his clients. Five minutes later, when finished, I asked, "How much?" He said, "Five bucks for the battery and the rest as you wish." I paid him ten. His gestures indicated that I had exceeded his expectation. My wife also noticed. Later, she remarked, "You got a bad bargain." I said, "You missed the signs of gratitude on his wrinkled face which carries much more value than what I paid. Besides, what would that extra five bucks buy for us - not even a cup of coffee. I think I got a great bargain. His smiling face has made my day."

Gaining Happiness

I wish to share the following formula of Happiness that was given to me by my esteemed Spiritual Guru:

Happiness = (No. of Desires fulfilled) / (No. of Desires entertained).

Thus, happiness increases with the number of desires fulfilled and decreases with the number of desires entertained. Mathematically, happiness would be infinite if no desire is entertained at all.

Happiness can also be defined as that state of mind where all agitations cease. Desire is the seed of all agitations. Imagine you are relaxing with a vacant mind. Suddenly, a random thought of eating chocolate enters your mind. You indulge in this thought indiscriminately. It gathers momentum. The mind is no longer calm. It is now filled with the turbulent desire of eating chocolate. You have now posited your happiness in the chocolate. Helplessly, you look for and get the chocolate. The first bite of the chocolate calms the turbulence in the mind. Mind is again vacant of any thought. A feeling of happiness spreads. But only until the next thought turns itself into another desire. Happiness was never in the chocolate. It was always within you. You lost it by planting a desire of the chocolate and regained it by clearing that desire.

Happiness is our original nature and we are helplessly driven towards it when we lose it. A German philosopher, Schopenhauer, appropriately puts it, ‘It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else.’ We are filled with innumerable desires — desires for material objects, desires for sensuous experiences, desires for love, desires for recognition, etc. We are never free from any desire. No sooner a desire is fulfilled, many others come in. We expect each desire to be fulfilled and give ‘happiness’. However, this is not always possible. Consequently, we are often left with frustration, depression and anger.

I believe that each one of us is born with an inherent talent and an urge to express it. Problem begins when we start building unrealistic expectations out of whatever we do or don't do. The key is to let the latent talent surface naturally without any hindrance of speculations or expectations. And, the secret of contentment lies in full expression of this inherent talent.

The key to Happiness, then, is to thoughtfully monitor every desire. If it is not in line with your inherent talent, then promptly drop it so that it fails to gather any momentum. And, if it is in line with your inherent talent, then convert it into a meaningful pursuit with no obsession for any return. Every pursuit will then become only an urge to express your inherent talent. Just as a flower blooms, river flows, bird sings, and sun shines without any particular desire to be fulfilled.

Your look depends upon your outlook

Looking young with age is a losing battle, yet fiercely fought because the ever increasing ads on health and beauty products would make us believe otherwise. A deep sense of insecurity is sowed in the minds of young ones as they age. And, a never ending chase for the illusive young-look takes precedence over everything else in life. However, the fact remains that this chase is futile. We all end up with the faces we deserve.

Our thoughts shape our personalities and are mirrored in our looks. Consequently, what we think influences how we look. Persons, whose thoughts never rise above the level of material possessions and sensual enjoyment, always worry about their looks. You can never find peace in such company — no matter how handsome or beautiful they may look. On the other hand, persons whose thoughts rest on compassion and co-operation reflect contentment. It is a delight to be in their company — no matter how they look. Maturity of thoughts adds grace to the age. Such people, despite age, remain youthful in their outlook. Lines on their faces truly tell tales of hardship, sorrow, grief, happiness and triumph. Having lived a life of fulfilment, they die with childlike smile on their lips. History immortalizes such faces with pride. So, let's watch our thoughts more than our looks.

Can Science explain Faith?

St. Augustine defined 'Faith' thus: "Faith is believing what you do not see and the reward of this Faith is seeing what you believe in."

Indeed, Faith is the essence of life. You dine in a restaurant with the faith that the food is not poisoned. You fly in an aeroplane with the faith that the plane will not crash. You sleep in your house with the faith that the roof will not collapse on you. We can hardly live without 'faith'.

Every scientific search is also pursued with 'faith' (not a doubt). Thomas Edison pursued his experiments despite failing over 2000 times as he had 'faith' in discovering a light bulb. Today, all over the world, scientists are pursuing research for AIDS vaccine with an unflinching faith of finding one.

How can science explain faith when it is also based on faith? Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.

Why to Marry?

Living alone is fast becoming a 21st century status symbol (UK households with only one occupant have risen by 31 percent since 1971). Many of these ‘soloists’ exist in a sea of old pizza boxes and broken dreams. This looks scary for a healthy society.

There is hardly any human born without any weakness. Weaknesses vary in number and types from person to person. However, one aspires to rise above these weaknesses and strives for becoming a better human being. Through centuries of ‘trials-and-errors’, societies around the world have evolved the ‘institution of marriage’. A ‘successful’ marriage can create an environment which is conducive for transforming human ‘weaknesses’ into ‘strengths’. Desire of ‘possessing’ can become obligatory duty of ‘custodianship', urge for ‘companionship’ can evolve into a feeling of ‘compassion', blind ‘lust’ can turn into fragrant ‘love’, hope of leaving behind a ‘name’ can be fulfilled and converted into a mission of leaving behind a better human being in form of ‘children’, and so on.

The current trend of the 'Soloists' is a case of ‘emotional stunting’. How could true self-discovery be possible when you’ve never shared your hopes and fears, or indeed a bathroom, with anybody?

Handwritten Memories

Today's technology has robbed us of those fine sentiments that used to accompany every written communication in the past. I can't remember when did I last write a letter in my own handwriting.

Those were the times when postman's arrival evoked much anticipation. Handwritten address on the envelope conveyed warmth. While opening it, you could visualize the face of the writer. If the letter happens to be from a heart-throb, almost certainly a whiff of sweet fragrance would fill your nostrils. Recognition of the sender from the handwriting would instantly change the priority of the hour. Every word of the letter would be lapped through the eyes paying due attention to its writing, placement, emphasis or even cancellation as an afterthought. Each of these observations could convey unwritten thoughts going through the writer's mind several hundred miles away. A word with smudged ink in the middle of a sentimental sentence won't fail to present the vision of uncontrollable sobs. A dried rose-leaf folded between the papers would bring forth the whole bouquet of sweetest emotions.

Is Silence the best virtue?

I am reminded of the following advice.
When you get the urge of speaking, ask yourself the following questions first:

• Is it sensible, based on truth and facts?
• Is it absolutely necessary to say?
• Is it beneficial to anybody around?

If the answer to all the above questions is 'yes', then watch the manner in which you say. It should be gentle and suggestive rather than rude and authoritative.

What it means to be alive?

Last month, while visiting Guggenheim Museum in New York, an inspiring piece of writing drew my attention at the entrance:

"Curiosity is an instinct, like Breathing. And, in our world, wonders never cease to fire our curiosity. The world challenges, mystifies and entertains. It is part playground, part laboratory, part untamed territory. It is an infinite source of inspiration. It is an invitation to discover. And the discovery resides at the very core of what it means to be alive. We embrace the world for all that it is, for all its beauty, genius and surprise. To us, the world is just awesome."

Credit Card or Debt Trap

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be", advised Shakespeare. I wonder how many of us practice this. Credit Cards can best be described as 'I owe you' notes. The moment you use it, you are a borrower.
Many of us live with the myth that credit card is an additional source of money. At least, that is what the attractive promos would make us believe. While in reality, it is only a convenient and 'tempting' way of spending our own earnings. I have been a credit card user myself since a long time and have successfully avoided falling into the 'Debt Trap' by practicing the following simple rules:

• No spending (whether through 'cash' or 'credit card') is outside the monthly expenditure plan.
• Credit card is only a 'convenient' and 'safe' alternative to Cash.
• Keep receipt of every transaction, whether carried out in person or through Internet.
• While checking out of a hotel, obtain & tear the slip of blocking money on credit card.
• Always make 'full' payment by the due date. But, only after cross-checking the bill with the receipts.
• While travelling, if you need to spend more than your credit limit, make suitable deposit in your credit card prior to travelling.
• Protect your credit card just as you would protect cash.

As credit card users, we can not avoid being borrowers. But, may we not remain 'borrowers' beyond the due dates. There are no free lunches in the world.

What worth is Money?

Money is 'gross' and hence it can be exchanged with only the gross objects of the world. Subtle objects, such as 'love' and 'knowledge', are beyond the reach of money. We may buy the most expensive painting of sunset, but can it give us the joy of seeing a real sunset? The flowing water of a river can teach us to be selfless in a way, even the most expensive book on philosophy cannot.

Is money worthless? Not at all. It is required - to fulfil physical needs. And, it should not be given any more exaggerated value. However, when we carefully share it with those who are struggling to make their both ends meet, we get in return the joy that cannot come from spending the same upon ourselves. This, when done without arrogance, make the money more than its worth.

Dreaming Careers for Children

Parents often hold the view that they know what their children should do when they grow.

In reality, they are only trying to realise their own unfulfilled dreams through their children. If we were objectives, we would realise that every child is like a seed with its own unique potentials which are manifested in form of fruits that come out of it when it grows. How many children are alike in the same family receiving the same environment for growth?

So, as parents, what can we do? All we can do is to spot the natural talent in our child early on and nurture carefully without exerting pressures. We should help our children to determine their basic natures and then nurture the same with patience and care.

One way of finding the basic nature for any one is to jot down whatever thoughts come in the mind first thing as one gets up. Repeat this exercise for a week without referring to the previous lists. After a week, compare all the lists and select those thoughts that were most repeated and prioritise them in the order of most repetitions. One would most likely be left with only two or three thoughts in the end. They will clearly indicate one's basic nature. This exercise can be repeated several times during the growing years of a child to confirm his/her basic nature.

Lastly, no work is 'great' or 'small'. You need all types of weather to make up a year. If a squirrel cannot carry forests on its back, neither a mountain can crack a nut.

Would the Buddha need a BMW?

In one of the articles of a local weekly magazine a few years ago, someone raised a question, "If Buddha were born today, would he need a BMW?" My response was as follows:

It is all about 'Standard of Life' versus 'Quality of Life'. While 'Standard of Life' depends upon others' approval, 'Quality of Life' entirely depends upon our own internal yardsticks. One may live a very high standard of life (flashy car, expensive clothes, decorative palatial homes, etc.), yet the quality of his / her life may be very low (full of stress, disease, unhappiness). Similarly, the quality of life could be very high, irrespective of the standard of life.

In the absence of clearly defined goals based on proper assessment of individual capacity & affordability, we tend to mimic others. When we see everyone competing to raise his / her standard of living, we also follow blindly. Modern techniques of marketing thrive on such a situation in society, where 'needs' are constantly created often beyond our 'means'.

Buddha indeed had much more than a BMW as a young prince, yet he found them unnecessary in meeting his life's goal. He was after the 'highest' quality of life. If we too wish to raise quality of life, we must pause and ponder: "What is my real goal? What do I need to realise it? Do I have the required means? Can I afford them? If not, what can I do to earn them? etc." The 'Standard of Life' would then become inconsequential and incidental.