Saving the Earth

The recently concluded Copenhagen summit may not have met with all the expectations, but it has ignited the minds of all in thinking about the Earth. The Hollywood movie “2012” graphically presented the vision of total destruction, if and when it happens. Whether or not every one of us is responsible for bringing such devastating effect on the earth, each one of us is going to be affected. Hence, each one of us carries responsibility of saving the earth.

It has now been established that our rampant use of the limited natural resources is the major cause of such dreadful future of the earth. Our lives today are controlled by a variety of gadgets, such as cars, computers, iPhones, Blackberries, Nanos, etc. Further, we change them faster than our clothes. Production and disposal of these gadgets add much more green-house gas and carbon to the atmosphere than while we simply use them. Therefore, the longer we use a gadget; the cleaner will be our environment.

I remember from my childhood in 1960’s when people used to buy a product with an eye on its longevity, besides its fitness-for-use. It used to be a matter of pride to keep using a product for a long time, often attached with some sentimental values. Those who could afford foreign stuff almost always preferred ‘Made in Germany’ over other makes mainly because of their longevity. Then, Japan entered the market subtly through the toy industry offering cheap and attractive toys which didn’t last long. Soon this trend covered other products. Recently while discussing this topic, a colleague coined the phrase “planned and perceived obsolescence”. In the last two decades or so, manufacturers have started planning fast obsolescence in the design of their products. Simultaneously, clever marketing has created a perception of quick obsolescence in the minds of consumers. Consequently, the consumers, especially the younger lot, cannot think of using the same product beyond a short time period.

We need to question this trend of fast disposable products – especially those whose production and disposal harms the environment. We need to look into our ‘needs’ more than our ‘greeds’. Mahatma Gandhi has rightly said, “Earth has plenty to satisfy everyone’s needs. But it cannot fulfil the greeds of even a few.”

No Idea

We are what our ideas are. We form a variety of ideas through our studies and interactions with others in the society. Ideas are like the lens through which we see the entire world. Indeed, we perpetually live through our ideas. When these ideas are in line with the ‘truth’, we experience ‘happiness’. When they are opposed to the truth, we experience ‘stress’. But, can they help us see the truth or, more precisely, experience the truth?

When you come across a thing or a situation which is completely unknown, you become dumbfounded. You have no idea about it. Hence, you examine it from all angles up to a point where you feel oneness with it. This is the state of experiencing the truth. However, someone comes along and explains you about it or your mind starts correlating with the past experiences. No sooner an idea is formed; you lose the intimate proximity with that object or situation. Now you do not see the object ‘as it is’.

Truth can never be captured by any idea. Even the most brilliant idea can only describe some aspects of the truth, but not the truth itself in its entirety. When you start believing your idea to be the truth, you deny yourself the chance of experiencing the truth. Idea, thus, becomes a barrier to the truth.

If we wish to live a life full of truthful experiences, then we must approach every moment with a fresh mind, devoid of any idea. We must not carry any mental baggage. We must die every moment to the past. Every moment carries immense possibilities that can only be seen when we are fully present in that moment. This does not mean all ideas are useless. We need appropriate ideas to conduct ourselves in the world with each other. However, we must not believe them to be cast in stone. Otherwise, we run the risk of turning ourselves into fanatics. We must remain open to all new possibilities in every moment.

The best idea for living a blissful life is to have No Idea or Is it so???

Education is the Key

Recently, Paul Salem delivered a potent message through an article, “War against Extremism” in a local newspaper.  His concluding sentence says it all, “The struggle for the future of the Arab and Muslim worlds that is being fought now will be won or lost not on the battlefield, but in the classroom.” To know that “Taleban” means “students” was yet another revelation for me. The question is: students of what? Love or hatred? Also, why only young men (or boys) are recruited by these extremist organisations?

Indeed, family and school are the nurseries for young minds. What they learn and imbibe in these places would shape their’s and that of world’s destiny as they grow. Utmost care and caution is needed in bringing up children and making them true inheritors of our progress. In this context, it is counter-productive to lower guards in educating and employing young ones. Knife gains its sharpness only when rubbed against rough surface. Gold becomes more valuable only after burning in intense fire. Similarly, youngsters would shine only against appropriate benchmarks both in schools and at work. Messing with high benchmarks of learning and working is, indeed, spoiling their future and increasing ‘educational poverty’.

Practicing Ho’oponopono

Ever since I came across this Hawaiian technique of healing I have been reading about it and implementing in day-to-day living. Following is a summary of my understanding so far:

We do not live in the same world. Each one of us lives in his/her own world projected on one’s own consciousness through his/her sense organs based on his/her own memories, thoughts, values, desires, expectations, aspirations, prejudices, etc. Consequently, the world that I perceive includes everyone and everything that I experience in my own consciousness. Indeed, they are my own making. Hence, if I am experiencing a painful situation then something within me has caused it to happen as it is confined to my own consciousness. It could be a negative thought or a selfish desire or hatred towards specific individual or unrealistic expectation, etc. Sometime I may feel pain just watching or meeting another ailing or suffering person. This may be due to my association of this person’s suffering with some deep-rooted childhood fear from my own memory. Thus, every experience has its root cause within me. Therefore, I must take remedial action also within myself to relieve the pain.

This is where Ho’oponopono comes handy. Whenever I feel pain or agitation in any situation, I pause and reflect. Keeping in mind the above explanation, I silently start asking divinity to forgive my wrongdoings of the past, if any (by repetitively saying, “I am sorry. Please forgive me.”). I also thank divinity for cleaning my subconscious mind and blessing me with all that I already enjoy (by repetitively saying, “I love you. Thank You.”). Such silent act of repentance and gratitude miraculously calms the mind and reduces the pain. In my short period of practicing Ho’oponopono, I have often found myself keeping my cool in otherwise stressful situations and even resolving the problem through some innovative means that earlier eluded my attention. I wish to continue on this royal path of internal cleaning.

The mind of a terrorist

After the last year's attacks on Mumbai, there was anger in the air. I too was angry. Watching and listening to endless debates and discussions, led me to reflect on the root cause of the problem and the way forward.

Certain questions arose in my mind: Who is a terrorist? Was he not an innocent child when born? What turned him into a terrorist? Could mere counter-killing of terrorists eliminate terrorism? Wouldn’t this only be a symptomatic relief? Has any country ever benefited in the long run from supporting terrorism? Isn’t terrorism like the fire that ultimately burns the very hand providing the fuel? I believe answers to such questions could help us in directing the vast energy otherwise expressed in form of anger.

I wonder what was going through the minds of the terrorists while shooting mercilessly. Media reports say that there was no remorse on their faces while killing innocent people. They were more like robots programmed to perform a particular action. Who was responsible for making such robots?

I believe the answer lies in their upbringing. Parents, teachers and the society are all responsible in some ways. If they were taught the true essence of religion and human values in their childhood, no one could have brainwashed them into perpetrating violence against innocents in the name of religion.

While targeting and eliminating terrorist camps would provide short-term relief, the long-term solution can come from addressing the more fundamental issues related to the environment in which an innocent child turns into a terrorist. Becoming a fine human being is not accidental. It is hard work and the collective responsibility of the entire society.

Regaining Barakat

Some time back, while discussing about the new US President-elect, Barack Obama, a UAE national colleague explained that Barack is derived from the Arabic word barakat (barkat in Hindi/Urdu). In the absence of an exact equivalent word in English, he went on to explain its meaning to an Englishman — one man earns less and lives happily with his large family without any anxiety or depression. Another man earns more and lives with his small family in perpetual stress and depression. There is barakat’ in the first man’s earning.

We work ourselves into a depression when we let unimportant things overwhelm us. We lose, as it were, barakat’ from our earnings. Words like contentedness’ patience’ and tolerance are not only meant for poor people who don’t seem to have other alternatives. They are also precious for all mankind. Our essential needs are very few. However, our greed knows no limits. Mahatma Gandhi rightly said that there is plenty in the world to fulfil everyone’s needs, but not enough to fulfil even one person’s greed.

The present global financial crisis has amply demonstrated this. Greed of a few powerful entities has robbed the world of its peace. The famous historian Will Durant said, “Liberty is the child of Order and mother of Chaos.” An order will surely be created out of the current financial anarchy through implementation of stringent rules and regulations by different countries. This will give a temporary sense of liberation. However, greed would once again take the extreme form of liberty and lead the world to yet another chaos, perhaps with greater intensity. This has happened in the past and will happen in future, unless we learn to manage our greed. Let’s hope Barack Obama will live up to his name and bring barakat to society at large.

The Power of Sorry

Today, I chanced upon an article, "The Power of Sorry" published in a local magazine. It talks about an ancient Hawaiian healing method Ho'oponopono ('Hoo' means 'cause' and 'ponopono' means 'perfection'). In other words, it is all about learning the cause of gaining perfection.

In this method, you are supposed to take complete responsibility of experiencing misery around you in the world and sincerely and repeatedly say to yourself, "I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you." What happens in the subtlest level within you is that all stored-up negativity is neutralised by these powerful positive phrases. Also, repeating these phrases shield you from getting further negativity from outside.

The root cause of misery is not outside but deep within us. We have lost the sensitivity to see divinity in and around us. We have stopped loving ourselves. This Hawaiin healing method is all about loving oneself. When you love yourself, love would overflow from you in all directions. And anyone coming in contact with you would also experience the joy of love.

I am going to explore and experiment more along these lines. If you have any thoughts, please share. I am eager to hear your views.

Who am I?

One question that has perplexed mankind since time immemorial is: “Who am I?” By this question, I don’t mean my name, position, race, faith, nationality or other such attributes that are all acquired and can change. By this question, I mean my inherent unique and unchanging identity.

Majority of people remained content and never even asked such questions. Many connected the ‘effect’ with a ‘cause’ unscientifically and developed ‘superstitions’. Rare ones went all the way to find true answer and liberate themselves. While finding the answer, they also realised it was so subjective that it could not be communicated to anyone else through words or any other means. They could only give pointers according to their own nature, period and circumstances. Thus various ‘religions’ were born around such rare individuals at different times of the mankind’s evolution.

Religion, indeed, is derived from two Latin words – re (again) and ligare (to unite). So, religion etymologically means that which helps one unite again with the origin. In this context, all religions are essentially the same, as their common objective is to help mankind find his/her original identity. Unfortunately, majority followers of all religions have misunderstood their teachings as ‘end in itself’ rather than just ‘means’ of subjectively reaching the ‘truth’.

Mankind today has access to a rich repository of divine pointers available in various religions of the world. Every person is different and hence needs a different way of finding the ‘truth’. The world itself is a beautiful laboratory in which every one is allowed to conduct experiment of truth according to his/her own temperament. Religion, in this context, becomes a private and personal affair between individuals and God. Siding with one religion alone is denying oneself the wealth of wisdom available in other religions of the world. Pointing fingers at each other’s religion is futile and shows complete lack of true understanding. I dream of families in which every member is free to choose a faith that suits his/her unique temperament. I also dream of societies and nations in which such families are respected and held as ‘models’ of true humanity. We have often heard of ‘Walk the Talk’. I suggest we ‘only walk’.

Giving Space

It is amazing how soon we parents forget our own younger days and are condemned to repeat with our children what our parent did with us in our youth.

Today’s youngsters are much smarter and fiercely independent than what we were at their age. It is heartening to see today’s youth taking charge of their own lives so early. They are exposed to much wider spectrum of life and ideas. They know that life is multi-dimensional and have the guts to explore these dimensions. If they don’t succeed with one, they are ready to take on another challenge. They are not scared of trying untried career propositions. No doubt they are brand conscious, they are also aware of difference between ‘need’ and ‘greed’. Their hearts are easily filled with compassions for the less privileged in the society. They cry for justice whenever they see violation of fundamental human rights irrespective of cast, creed and colour. They are bubbling with innocent energy that must be directed appropriately.

The question then is what different role we parents should play. I believe that we should give them more space to blossom than what we got from our parents. More like a gardener who supports a sapling with a prop, directs its growth with gentle care and gives freedom to flower in full splendour. If we have lived a value-based life ourselves, we need not worry about our children as they would emulate those values while growing. They should be given the space that they need to explore the world and realise their dreams, while we stand by trusting that they would take us in confidence when they need our guidance and make us only proud parents. Tomorrow’s world will not only be safer in the hands of today’s youngsters, but it will also be better.

Means versus Ends

Last week, a thought-provoking article was published in a local magazine. While referring to various questionable conducts of some characters from the Indian epic "Mahabharata", the author raised a couple of questions: Do the means justify the ends? Is success possible without compromise? It is difficult to answer such questions in simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I feel that context and the intention behind the action are important in answering such questions.

We happily twist scientific fact while explaining sunrise and sunset to a young child. We do not hesitate lying to a criminal pursuing an innocent person. We hide details of the dreaded disease from a distressed patient. Life is not black and white. It is full of various shades of grey. What is a sin to one person may not be so for the other and even for the same person in a different situation. However, I believe that our conscience is our best guide. Like a compass, it always shows us the right path. When questioned about the apparent inconsistency between his writings and actions at various times, Mahatma Gandhi said, “My aim is not to be consistent with my previous statements on a given question, but to be consistent with truth as it may present itself to me at a given moment.” He was clearly referring to being true to his own conscience.

Reciprocation in Love

True love need not have the expectation of reciprocation . Where there is an expectation of reciprocation, there cannot be love. It is rather a business transaction, in which love is bartered for other things – favour, recognition, attention, or even mere acknowledgement. The question is, “Would I love a person even when I have nothing to gain from him or even when he is sure to harm me?”

Love, I believe, is not an act of volition. You cannot love selectively. Love is that serene emotion that naturally overflows in all directions, when you are completely filled with it. When a flower blooms, it cannot stop its fragrance from spreading irrespective of anyone’s presence around. A nightingale’s singing is not directed to anyone in particular. Clouds don’t select houses to pour their contents on. They are simply helpless in controlling the overflow of what is filled inside them.

It’s more important than ever in today’s climate of random hatred coupled with self-obsession to encourage people to think of others and to love without demanding reciprocity. But, this is possible only when we have first filled our own hearts with ‘love’. It should begin with a total acceptance of oneself. When you accept yourself as you are, you begin to accept others also as they are. There is no more need to imitate or compete with anyone else, as each one of us is a unique creation of the nature. Realising and revealing your own original potential should become the life’s goal. Ever increasing joy is the reward on this journey and self-less love is an unavoidable result. No rose wants to be lily. And, the world is beautiful because of the variety.

Courage and Conviction

Olympic games have given us a rich respository of people with steel like courage and conviction. Bikila’s barefoot running and winning gold, Zatopek’s earning the title of ‘The Czech Locomotive’, Dhyan Chand’s magical hold on the hockey ball, Fanny becoming popular as ‘The Flying Housewife’ at 30 – all of them demonstrated their rock-solid conviction and courage. In the recent Beijing Olympic too, Michael Phelps became the highest individual gold takers in the history of Olympic games. Abhinav also wrote history for India by winning the first ever individual gold. New stories of courage and conviction are being written in our every day life too.

Bethany Hamilton at 13 was attacked by a shark while surfing, but within 6 months returned to competitive surfing with one arm. Ray Kroc at 52 lost his gall bladder and thyroid gland and suffered from diabetes. Yet, he went on to become the founder of McDonald’s. Ben Hogan was nearly killed in an auto accident that crushed his legs, but just after 16 months he won US Open Golf. It is rightly said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

I believe it’s all in the mind. As you think, so you become. The only limitations we have are those put by our own minds. According to scientists, the bumblebee’s body is too heavy and its wing span too small. Aerodynamically, the bumblebee cannot fly. But the bumblebee doesn’t know that and it keeps flying.

Between two milestones

Someone once said, “You are born today and you die tomorrow." All our knowledge and experience is, indeed, between these two milestones. And, yet we take them so lightly. What I understood from these words is that ‘today’ is all we have. But, we continue to sacrifice our ‘today’ in the hope of an unseen ‘tomorrow’. What we call ‘living’ is reduced to mere ‘existing’. We hardly enjoy life as it is today.

Stephen R. Covey has rightly suggested four dimensions of living: Live, Love, Learn and Leave a legacy. Each of these dimensions relates to each of the four personalities we posses: Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual. A life is considered fully ‘lived’ only when we take care of all the four dimensions. Physically, we must radiate ‘health. Emotionally, we must harbour the feelings of ‘love’ for all. Intellectually, we must never stop ‘learning.’ Spiritually, we must attain that internal growth which will continue to inspire the future generations.

The famous Indian weaver-poet, Kabir sang thus: “This sheet of life was given to us spotless. Many wore and made it dirty. I wore it and left it spotless.” Hidden in this song is also a great environmental message. Are we leaving the world cleaner than what we received?

Confidence Re-defined

We often grant ourselves superstar status at the first sign of success and victim status at the first sign of failure. Perhaps this is in human nature to arrogate any achievement to oneself and blame the whole world for any failure. Arrogance often appears in the garb of confidence.

It is said that knowledge brings humility. It is because the more you know something, the more you realise how much more you don’t know. At the pinnacle of success, Sir Isaac Newton said, “To myself I am only a child playing on the beach, while vast oceans of truth lie undiscovered before me.” Who can question Newton’s confidence?

Therefore, true confidence grows with an acute awareness of one’s own limitations. When success comes your way, your heart bows down to the force of providence in silent gratitude, as you realise that many other factors outside your control have contributed to this success. And, when you encounter a failure, you smile in silent acceptance of your current limitations. You are truly confident when, wearing a glowing smile, you are able to say, “I don’t know.”

Question of Originality

How much of what we see on the Internet is original and reliable? Is everything published on the Internet is ‘true’? Are we heading towards a time when we shall cease to create original work?

Internet, no doubt, has instant answer to any question that we may have. We no longer have to carry around our reference books or visit dingy libraries. Almost anything is a ‘click’ away on the Internet. Internet is a great source of information. It is also a great source of mis-information. The fact that it is so easy to publish anything on the Internet makes it a great conduit of creativity and at the same time a lethal weapon of factual distortion. It’s for us to choose either to further our knowledge or to distort it for ‘fun’ or for some ulterior motives.

The ‘cut-and-paste’ practice is one such abuse of Internet that is becoming rampant among people, especially youngsters who find it easy to complete their work in a time-pressed study or work environment. Quoting others’ work has always been an admirable practice. But, lifting others’ work out of context and using the same without giving due credits is definitely unethical.

Is this trend leading to the loss of originality? I don't think so. Creating original work is the most satisfying urge of human mind. Spurred by a desire for instant recognitions, a majority of people may not heed to this urge. But, there will always be a minority of people who would dare to walk on the un-trodden path, despite all the risks and difficulties. The world would continue to get intellectually richer as a result. Yes, we have to be extra careful in using ‘any’ information retrieved from the Internet or for that matter from any other reference. We have to increasingly employ our own thinking faculty to sift ‘facts’ from the ‘lies’. But, no, so long as a thinking human mind is around, originality and creativity will never be lost. I have full faith in this.

True measure of progress

Mahatma Gandhi once said that real progress of a nation is measured by the uplift of the people lying at its lowest strata. Does the current progress in the Gulf countries conform to this yardstick?

Only last year, not a single day passed without the talk in the media of launching new luxury real estate projects. Prices were exponentially rising with every new launch. As soon as a project was launched, it was claimed to be “sold out”. Who were buying? Will they use these properties for their own living? If not, who would be the ultimate users of these properties? Will they be the common masses? How would building luxury apartments and malls enhance the lives of the common man? How come the cost of living for ordinary people in the Gulf is becoming costlier, while the rising oil price have made Gulf countries richer? Are these the signs of “real” progress? These questions continue to baffle me.

A country’s entire workforce represents a pyramid - broadest at its base and narrowest at its tip. We need an army of people to perform countless menial jobs and gradually less number of those who discharge skilled and highly skilled jobs. The country must provide for such an infrastructure that would cater to their respective needs. There should be adequate housing for all categories - maximum for those living in the lowest income-group. I wish governments diverted some of their oil earnings in building low-cost housing in greater number than the mega projects of luxury properties.

A nation’s riches must be proportionately shared among all its residents in order to keep them happy. Happy residents eventually make a happy nation. There cannot be a better measure of progress for a nation than the uplift of all its residents, whether nationals or expatriates.

Happiness within

I would like to pose two fundamental questions: what is happiness and what is the role of money in our lives?

Happiness, I believe, is the state of mind when there are no agitations. Now, what gives rise to agitation? Isn’t it our own making? Tempted by the sight of something, we create a desire within, which in turn disturbs our otherwise calm mind. When the desire gets fulfilled, the mind returns to its original state of calmness. We say we have experienced happiness, as if happiness resided in the thing we desired. But this happiness lasts so long as the next desire has not arisen.

In her famous book, Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand defines money as a “tool of exchange” between those who produce certain goods and those who want the goods. “Not an ocean of tears, not all the guns in the world can transform those pieces of paper in your wallet into the bread you will need to survive tomorrow”, she says.

We part with money for the things we value more than money. Hence, so long as we want something from the world, we will need money. Money, in this context, gives a sense of future happiness. However, since we don’t have a fixed list of wants‚ we can’t decide how much money is enough. And the wild goose chase goes on, all through life.

Stephen Crane gives a handy recipe for happiness. It is to rid yourself of your notion of your rights. To get the taste of life we must approach it as a beggar at the king's court. If we are despised, what’s more natural? If we are feasted, what a marvel! Thus, we may become happy here and now, with or without money.

Lessons of History

It is often said, “Those who don’t read the history are condemned to repeat it.” Despite this warning, I kept a safe distance from history books, until I came across this book, “The Lessons of History” written by the husband-wife duo Will & Ariel Durant. Will Durant, also called a gentle philosopher, spent 50 years of his life writing “The Story of Civilisation.” He looked at history through a different paradigm. He searched for patterns and meaning in those patterns. He developed his own theories and philosophy about the history of mankind. These nuggets of wisdom are now condensed in the book, “The Lessons of History.” Let’s examine some of these nuggets:

1. Present is the past rolled-up for action. Past is the present rolled-out for understanding.

2. Life is a combination of difficulties and delights. Difficulty is the price of living and delight is the goody received unexpectedly and perhaps undeservingly.

3. World has progressed in terms of ‘means’ not in terms of ‘ends’. Human’s basic desires are still the same, while the means to fulfil them have progressed.

4. History repeats itself in macro form. Civilizations go through the same cycle: Barbarian → Agricultural → Economically secured → Culturally advanced → Scientifically thinking → Moral degradation → Chaos → Destruction → Start of a new civilization. Different countries and societies are going through such cycles even today. A country which was once barbarian now enjoys economically secured state, while another country which was once at the height of scientific thinking is struggling to uphold moral values.

5. The purpose of education is not merely to provide better means of earning, but to preserve the cultural heritage of mankind. That’s why a University is known as Alma-mater (bounteous mother), which nurtures this human heritage from generation to generation. When a man is able to carry forward this legacy in his life and successfully pass it on to his next generation, he may consider his life well lived.

6. Every person is born with more-or-less the same basic instincts acquired through several millenniums of barbarian living (hunting). Subsequently, he acquires social instincts from the environment in which he is born. Social instincts (cooperation, care, sympathy, kindness, etc.) are often in conflict with the basic instincts (hunger, sex, greed, possessions, anger, jealousy, etc.). Since social instincts are developed over a relatively short period of time (agricultural era onwards when people started living together socially), they are not so powerful to curb the basic instincts. Education (sum total of the entire past cultural heritage including art, literature, philosophy, etc.) greatly helps in raising the potency of social instincts and thus enables humans in overcoming their basic instincts.

7. Co-operation is the tool of competition. We co-operate in a team to win match over the other team. Members of a society co-operate to advance themselves over other societies. People of a country co-operate to win war over another country. Perhaps, the whole world would co-operate only when there is a global danger, e.g. global warming or an alien attack from other planet.

8. ‘Liberty’ is the child of ‘Order’ and mother of ‘Chaos’.

Extreme suppression (as in the dictatorial regime) leads to revolution or a civil war. An order is restored through some form of democracy, which provides sufficient liberty to the citizens for healthy growth. However, it demands that one person’s liberty does not interfere with another person’s liberty. This requires certain amount of compromises by all citizens, generally laid down by the moral codes of conduct. However, an excessive liberty again leads to chaos as people become less tolerant and disregard moral codes.

9. Idea of today is politics of tomorrow. Philosophy of today is literature of tomorrow.

10. Society needs both the radicals and conservatives. Radicals provide ‘gas’, while conservatives provide ‘brakes’. Both are necessary to safely move a vehicle of society.

11. Every generation rebels against its previous generation. It is natural for the world to continue. Hence, the older generation should not be upset with the younger generation’s rebellious behaviours. They did the same in their own youth.

12. If youth had the knowledge of the old and the old had the energy of the youth, then the world would have been a heaven. A family is an abode of peace and happiness, wherein the knowledge of the elders is used in guiding the energy of the youth into constructive channels.

Romancing with Life

I reproduce below my review of evergreen Dev Anand's autobiography, "Romancing with Life."

Dev Anand is more than a living legend. He is a living inspiration for millions of his fans, including me. With his autobiography, he has come closest to his fans. It is a nostalgic journey down the memory lane. I could not put it down until the narration entered 80’s – a good 75% of the book (438 Pages). The book comes with a free DVD of a short interview and selected songs from his movies.

Dev has written this book in cinematic style. His leaving for Bombay is filled with flash-backs of his childhood and adolescent days in Gurdaspur and Government College, Lahore: Dev Dharam (DD) becoming Dev Anand, first crush for a girl, love for good books, etc.

Dev describes his struggle in Bombay in such graphic details that you almost feel like living that period with him. The book is filled with many interesting anecdotes such as: selling his precious collection of old stamps for mere Rs. 30 in front of VT station to fulfil pangs of hunger; meeting Ashok Kumar who gave him his first film (Hum Ek Hain), recent chance meeting with the grand-daughter of a girl who managed to catch the cap which he had thrown at the crowd on the premier of his film, Baazi in1951, making promise to Guru Dutt that he would let him direct his first movie, etc. His first job at Censorship department of the British Government may have given him millions of story ideas.

He is known to have launched countless new girls, many of whom went on to become stars in later years. This book tells readers his romantic associations with them. Just like his films, the entire focus of the book is upon Dev. This perhaps is the flip side. I wish he had talked more about his contemporaries. He is almost silent about his wife Mona (Kalpana Kartik) after marriage.

Notwithstanding a few short-comings, it is a beautiful bouquet of interesting incidents, inspiring thoughts and a shining example of ever vibrating energy.

Gifting Dilemma

The ideal gift requires the union of the right object with the right person at the right time.

The language of gifts is intricately woven into our everyday social interactions. Indeed, we often use gifts as a means of interpersonal communication. According to Poe, gifts are used to convey symbolic relational messages, including relationship status, the promise of future interaction or statements of affection, concern, or domination.

We are constantly torn by gift-giving and gift-receiving dilemmas. How many times have we received a gift that we didn't want and hence passed it on? I know of a person who received a gift that he himself had gifted to someone else a long time back, thus making a full circle of gift-exchanges. I wonder if exchanging gifts has not been reduced to a mere formality. The joy of giving seems to be missing altogether. People are increasingly reporting stress, disappointment, anxiety, and misunderstandings when they anticipate or participate in social gifting.

Gifting, in my opinion, is still a beautiful ritual if honestly and sincerely followed. Nature keeps teaching us all the time. A tree gifts its fruits without asking or expectations. Clouds shower life’s nectar on one and all without any discrimination. It is this selfless attitude of giving which is important. The object being given is not vital. Even a gentle smile to a passer-by is a valuable gift, if imparted with a selfless attitude.

Customer (Dis) Service

Customer is the king and his/her satisfaction is the ultimate barometer of success in business. This is what preached in all modern management classes and highlighted in advertisements.

However, the ground reality is far from this. To start with, many customer service numbers are not toll free, which means if you have a complaint or seek a simple clarification, you must first pay for it without any guarantee of getting your query resolved. Then, in the name of better customer service, many businesses use technology to a fault. Your call is answered by an automatic recorded voice, which mechanically and mercilessly guides you through an unending series of options and choices, except how to reach a human being. If you are lucky to get this option, then either the recorded voice (All our agents are busy….) would play havoc with your ears or inform you that you cannot leave any message as the mailbox of the service agent is full. If you are really lucky to talk to a human at last, you may be asked to call another number in another department. Calling a customer service number can be highly frustrating.

I wonder how many business executives use their own customer service numbers and conduct routine checks on their efficiency. Recently, I came across the following quote on the walls of a business house:

“It costs six times more to attract a new customer than it does to keep an old one.

Seven out of 10 complaining customers will do business with you again if you resolve the complaint in their favour.

If you resolve a complaint on the spot, 95 per cent will do business again. Of those customers who quit, 68 per cent do so because of an attitude of indifference by the company or a specific individual. In summary, Customer Satisfaction = Success”

Anyone listening?

Outliers aren't Self-made

I just finished listening to the audio book on "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. This book, I believe, has potential to revolutionise the way we look at self-made success icons. Educationists and planners around the world can make use of its significant findings in making better future societies where every individual's dignity is preserved and potential to rise is nurtured.

An outlier, according to Malcolm, is one who excels despite all odds and leaves everyone else much behind in his/her field of activity. Malcolm concludes that an outlier's success is not his/her own making. It is a product of many factors such as time of birth, opportunities, family & cultural legacy, circumstances, mentor and hard work. All factors are outside one's control, except the 'hard work'. And 'hard work' is what every outlier did.

Malcolm, through painstaking research, found that almost all the outliers had put in a minimum of 10,000 hours of hard work before their tipping points arrived. Most of this time was spent by them in total anonymity, as if they didn't care about the outcome. Then, suddenly they burst on the world scene. Other factors played vital roles along the way.

I am reminded of the oft repeated quote: "Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." I am also reminded of the famous verse from Bhagavad Gita wherein Lord Krishna tells Arjuna, "Your right is in action only, never to the fruits; let not the fruit of action be your motive nor let your attachment be to inaction." Those who don't give-up their quest are ultimately rewarded. This is what the outliers have proved.

My take from this book is: since we cannot control the result why worry about it. Why not concentrate all our energies in performing the present action to the best of our abilities? The joy of performing cannot be denied even by the nature. And this in itself is the greatest reward for any action.

If we wish to become an outlier, then we also need the help of other factors outside our control. In other words, we also need to be lucky. And the luck, as Derrell Royal defined, is where 'preparedness meets opportunity'. If someone has put in enough hard work to prepare himself, then his becoming an outlier is only a matter of time when suitable opportunity would knock his door.

An Ego Trip

There was a pile of stones lying outside a palace. A boy picked up a stone from the pile. The stone told the other stones that he was going abroad for better opportunities in life. As the boy hurled the stone towards the palace, the stone started thinking of the height and the wind. He felt great to be higher than the crowd. At last, his hard work was beginning to pay.

He enjoyed the cool breeze and the speed of the flight and pitied the other stones on the ground. The stone hit the palace window and fell inside on an expensive carpet. The shattering noise of the glass declared his arrival on the big scene. Soft landing on the thick carpet reassured his great success and the grand welcome after a long string of achievements.

He rested there for some days watching many royal events. He was thrilled to be part of it.
One morning, a palace worker found the stone on the carpet and threw it out. As the stone left the palace, he bid farewell to the job well done. He said to himself it was time to retire.

Eventually, the stone returned to the pile outside the palace. He shared his success story with the rest. Other stones advised him to write his autobiography, which would be a great source of inspiration for the future generations. The stone is currently busy writing it.

Such is the flight of our ego. Demystifying your ego is a “catch 22” situation. Who wants to be free from ego? Is it not the ego who wants to be free from itself? That is why, Buddha said, “Events happen, deeds are done. There is no individual doer of any deed.” He further advised, “Seeing is the only doing necessary.” Anything more I write, I am afraid, could be construed as part of my own ego trip.

Crime and Nationality

A dangerous trend seems to be spreading in the media. If someone commits a crime, his/her religion or nationality is used as an adjective while reporting the incident. The same is true when an injustice is done to an individual. This results in fuelling the sentiments of all those belonging to that religion or nationality. Every person of that faith or nationality is looked at suspiciously. The focus shifts from the ‘act’ to the ‘actor’ and the real purpose of reporting (help reduce the recurrence of such incidents) is lost.

There are all kinds of people in every religion and every nation. Why should the media generalise the act of one person or the suffering of one person with the entire mass? Why not treat every incident in its own context? It is far more important for a healthy society to enable each person to identify with his / her own weaknesses through objective reporting of an incident, rather than revel in exploiting others’ weaknesses. Then, perhaps, we would have a greater chance for world peace.

Preserving Roots

We have often heard of the quote, “Be a Roman when in Rome." But what about the roots? How can one preserve it while living outside one's own country?

Most of those who make a foreign country their home turn into either an 'atavist' (nurturing native roots even in a foreign soil) or the 'assimilator' (absorbed in foreign soil). However, both perpetually appear to struggle for peace within.

We have to play different roles wherever we are. To play them perfectly, each role demands a different treatment and a different attitude. There are serious implications of carrying a single identity in all the roles. That’s what probably happens with atavists and assimilators. Atavists carry their native identity everywhere, while assimilators do the same with their adopted identity. Both refuse to change as per the situation and tend to spoil the play.

There is no denying that our roots must be respected. But that is an internal matter. One may find a variety of ways to nurture them even in a foreign soil without conflicting with local customs. However, the customs of the foreign soil must also be equally respected when dealing with various entities in our day-to-day lives. Indeed, when one is firmly rooted in one’s own culture, the beauty of other culture can be truly appreciated. Mutual appreciation of each other’s cultures enriches both the cultures.

True spirit of Fasting

Benefits of fasting have been advocated in all religions in one way or the other. While searching for the genesis of fasting I recently chanced upon the following view:

In ancient times, when great seers used to meditate upon divine thoughts they often used to forget their physical demands, including hunger. For days together they would be engrossed in their meditation, oblivious of all surroundings. For the external world, they were fasting, but deep inside they were drinking the divine nectar. Fasting was a natural state of the body when soul was engaged in divine contemplation.

So, while fasting if mind races towards food then we are far away from the true spirit of fasting. True fasting is not simply going hungry, which may at best cleanse the body. True fasting is a great way of cleansing soul. Thoughts play most important role during fasting. We are where our thoughts are.

I don’t have time

When we procrastinate we often say, “I don’t have time for this now.”

Nature has been absolutely fair in distributing time. Everyone has 24 hours in a day. No more and no less. It is up to us what we do with these 24 hours in a day. Heads of states and large organizations don’t have even a second more than what we common people have in a day. How is it that they are able to accomplish so much in the same time?

I believe the answer lies in their ability to distinguish between ‘important’ and ‘urgent’ tasks. Both are not same. An important task may not be urgent and an urgent task may not be important.

Important tasks are those that would bring long-term and lasting benefits. They are necessary to sustain the life and living. They are also critical in providing inner growth / maturity. Examples could be daily exercise, meditation, learning new skills, developing career goals, bonding with family and friends, working for the greater cause benefitting society, etc.

Urgent tasks, on the other hand, are those that must be done now. They are controlled by externally set narrow deadlines. They may even threaten your very survival. They are often associated with anxiety and stress. Examples could be: fixing a failed equipment or system on which the entire organization is dependent, responding to your superior’s call, responding to nature’s call, submitting a paper or report against a fast approaching deadline, renewing important documents or permissions that are about to expire, etc.

In this context, Stephen Covey’s famous Time Management Quadrant is worth looking at:

If we allow ourselves to be constantly driven by the urgent tasks in life, it may become our habit and ultimately an addiction, whereby unless a task becomes urgent we don’t act.

No one ever got ahead in life, or became successful, by just doing the urgent things. The people who get ahead in life, the people who realize their goals, and achieve the things they want in their life, all have one thing in common. They do what is important. They do what is important even though it means putting off at least some of the things that are urgent, or seem urgent.

I often use the following set of questions to sort out my priority of tasks:

• Would ‘not doing this task’ threaten my survival so that it must be done now?
• Is this task facing a tight deadline (fixed by my superiors or clients) so that I must give it a high priority over other important tasks?
• Is this task important for my future career / growth? Can I squeeze it in between other urgent tasks or schedule it at a definite time of the day? I understand that even incremental progress on an important task regularly would make me move forward and feel better.
• Is this task part of my daily healthy routine and doing which I shall feel refreshed and more energetic?
• Would this task result in no lasting benefits for me or others and hence can be dropped?
• Is this task in accordance with my conscience which, like a compass, always points to that which is right for me?

What is your way of prioritizing? Please share your secrets of managing your time.

Maintaining Techno-sanity

Technology appears to be moving faster than what was imagined only a few years back. Moore's Law (the number of transistors on a chip doubles about every two years) seems to be getting outdated. Almost every part of our lives is invaded by some gizmo.

If you think that the medical science is enjoying the pinnacle of its success today, then hear what a medical expert says about its future: "One hundred years from now, people will look back at today's medical science just as we are looking back at snake-oil treatments of the past."

Such relentless growth in technology is hardly surprising when you consider the scientific fact that most humans use less than five per cent of their total neurons in their brains during their entire lives. If, with such little use of the brain, we can create so much technology, then there is a long way to go as we learn to use more of our brain-cells.

Should we be scared of such technological growth? I believe NO. I also believe that the future of technology is in simplifying life, not further complicating it. Soon our car will be able to take a verbal command and drive us to our destination via the least congested route in the safest possible manner. By and large, technology will make available a lot of free time. But what do we do with this free time? This, in my opinion, is the million-dollar question.

So the problem is not in technology itself, but our lack of purpose in life. When we do not know what we want in life, then we are bound to get lost and overwhelmed by the multitude of available options. Technology is a means, not an end. One is not obliged to use all the available technologies. The world is beautiful with people of different abilities. Everyone does not have to be tech-savvy. There is no shame in not knowing how to operate the latest gizmos if it is not required to achieve your goal in life. Just as necessity is the mother of invention, let necessity be the mother of utility. This, in my humble opinion, is the only way to maintain techno-sanity.

Made for each other

Why do so many love affairs end-up in divorce soon after marriage? How do you find who is “right” for you before making the serious commitment called marriage?

I am reminded of an Indian movie of yesteryears called Aavishkar (Discovery). In this movie, the female protagonist asks her male counterpart, “Why are we not able to even sit together after marriage, while we used to long for seeing each other before marriage?” To this the male protagonist replies, “Before marriage, we used to do everything to impress each other. In the process, we would enhance our strong points and hide the weak ones. These meetings were short and sweet. So it was possible to hide our inherent shortcomings. These meetings hiked our expectations unreasonably. But, after marriage, it is no longer possible to hide anything. Pre-marital expectations are shattered. What we thought as love was no more than physical affinity associated with unreasonable expectations.”

I used to wonder why marriage is called an “institution”. Twenty eight years of my own marriage has taught me that in true marriage learning never stops. Every joy and every fight must lead to some learning and internal growth. It is said that the secret of a successful marriage is to have no expectations. Partners must understand and appreciate each other’s differences. They should complement their strengths and together rise above mere physical needs. You should try to be what you are. But, equally important is to accept the other as he/she is. The seed of true love grows in the soil of mutual acceptance.

Creating Energy at 93

At 93, most of us, if alive, would have spent all our energies and would be dependent on various support systems. But not the nonagenarian artist named MF Husain.

Creativity, according to him, cannot be planned. It is spontaneous like a spark. We all experience such moments in our lives. But, very few are alert enough to capture these moments. MF Husain is one of those rare beings who has achieved this.

Strangely, the source of Husain’s immense energy is his work itself. Instead of spending energy, he creates energy while painting. He explains the secret: when you enjoy what you do, you don’t tire. Indeed, you become a mere witness to your own doings. You emerge from it more relaxed, ever fresh and a better human being. The secret of his longevity is also very simple. He always eats less than what he wants to. He is open to all possibilities in life, much like a child who is ever ready to experiment with whatever crosses his path and is filled with wonderment at the simplest of sights. We can learn a lot from such an exemplary life and turn our simple day-to-day activities into works of art.

Redefining Love

Where there is love, there is magic. According to a Greek proverb, ‘The heart that loves is always young’.

Love, I believe, is what happens when your heart is content with all that you have. It is the unconditional singing of a bird, blooming of a flower and flowing of a river, without any motive, without any expectation. It is wrong to say that it causes anguish. Anguish is caused by the unfulfilled demands and expectations that we subtly associate with our so-called love. True love shines forth from those hearts that only know giving. Total acceptance of a person without any prejudice or exception is the right step towards true love. A person filled with true love is not afraid of rejection.

Dr Karl Menninger rightly says, ‘Love cures people — both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it’. There is no fall in true love. You can only rise in love.

Free as a Bird

Those who manage to break from a very rigid environment often go berserk and cause greater harm to themselves. I have seen many children under the strict home environment performing very well in school, but losing their way in the open environment of college. Is a prison-like environment necessary for bringing out the best in a person? Is the open and free environment responsible for a person’s downfall? I believe that neither is true.

While an overtly strict environment may generate extraordinary growth in one dimension, the growth of other aspects remains stunted. Such a person cannot stand the trials and tribulations of the external world. The suppressed desires, when given opportunities, burst out and may even ruin the person.

Whoever coined the expression ‘free as a bird’‚ must have realised the true value of freedom. History is testimony to so many civil wars fought by common men seeking ‘freedom’. Freedom is our original nature. Just as no seed can blossom into a tree without freedom, a person cannot realise his/her full potential without a free environment.

Home is the first nursery where children are taught to face the world. Their hidden potential is carefully nurtured, not caged. Their unique talents are allowed to find roots. Their wings are allowed to open-up and strengthen. Children must be brought up in an environment where parents lead value-based exemplary lives. Reasons, not orders, should be exercised. Freedom should never be a casualty at home. Children would leave such a home only to return with better growth and good taste of life.

Making Peace with Problems

Once I asked a learned Chinese colleague, why the life has to be full of problems? Why it cannot be straight and simple? His reply was worth contemplating, “If life was simple and straight, don’t you think it would be so boring.”

In sport, we look forward to a tough fight. Tougher is the opponent, greater is the joy of playing. Why then the same is not true with respect to everyday events in the life? There must be something seriously wrong in the way we perceive the problems.

We seem to be living at two levels. One is the level of ‘existence’, where everything always happens in the present. At this level, we react to a situation spontaneously according to our capability and maturity. The other level is that of the ‘mind’, which is never present in the present. It is either journeying in the past gathering pride & guilt, or looking into future building anxiety & fear. At this level, competitions and comparisons are the orders of the day. Also, at this level, we don’t accept what is offered in the present. We want something ‘else’. It is our deep identification with this ‘mental living’ that gives rise to all the ‘problems’.

The key to making peace with problems is to first ‘accept’ whatever is currently offered in the life. Then, look for means of resolving a particular issue at hand with all sincerity. Having done whatever was required and possible under the circumstances, relax and be prepared to accept any outcome. It is strange but true. Events have a way of sorting themselves out. There are no ‘problems’ out in the world, there are only ‘opportunities’. We, however, perceive them as problems. Finally, I am inspired by the following prayer:

“God grant me the
Serenity to accept
the things I cannot change…
Courage to change
the things I can...
and Wisdom to
know the difference.”

Simple is sufficient

The use of technical and misleading jargon is rampant among modern-day professionals around the world. Besides conveying nothing, their usage blocks debate, arrests analysis and resists interrogation. The jargon-filled ornamental language may mesmerise the audience, but can hardly communicate any meaning of substance.

The main purpose of any language is to communicate thoughts as clearly as possible. One should be able to invoke a glimpse of the original vision from where the thoughts first emerged. The use of a term that is well defined and widely accepted enhances communication. Quotations also play a very important role in the process of communication. A suitable and timely quotation can provide, in a flash, deep insight to the essence of what one wishes to communicate. But, using fast emerging jargon that conceals or twists the real intrinsic meanings or rampant use of quotations just to impress the listener is a huge blockage to effective communication.

My secondary school headmaster was a man of letters. And yet, his English was always simple. He used to say, “Keep your sentences short. Use simple vocabulary. Concentrate on the thought that you want to convey.” I find his teaching being echoed in the phrase commonly used nowadays, KISS (Keep It Simple and Straight).

I am also reminded of an incident. The first Indian Nobel Laureate Rabindranath Tagore translated his own winning work, ‘Gitanjali’ from his native language ‘Bengali’ to English. This translation was submitted to a team of English language experts in Great Britain, who proposed a small change with respect to grammar. Tagore accepted it. But, when he was reciting this translation before an august audience in Great Britain, WB Yeats expressed his unhappiness exactly at the spot where the change was made. He insisted Tagore on reverting to his original version, even though it was grammatically incorrect, since it conveyed the real spirit more effectively. Grammar can sometimes be the graveyard of language.

If I am unable to convey the essence of my thoughts in the simplest of language to the commonest of persons appealing to his/her common sense, then I have failed in the purpose of communication.

Trust is the basis

Trust is the greatest insignia of all human transactions anywhere in the world. Although written words; formalities; policies and procedures are given utmost importance, trust is the final criteria on which a transaction takes place. All the other methods are only steps towards building adequate trust. Winning a client’s trust is the single most vital key to winning business around the world these days.

Often, when all meticulously done analysis point to a successful result, an unexplained feeling of doubt or discomfort may linger on and halt the final transaction. Similarly, there are occasions when the opposite happens. We just feel like going for something even when all indications are otherwise. Papers and numbers are gross and hence have limited depth. But feelings are subtle and based on deeper sources, often beyond explanation, and yet more reliable. Management gurus advise people to listen to their ‘gut feelings’ in the face of a crisis.

It is relatively easier to break a promise made on paper, but it is far more difficult to turn back from a promise made on trust. When we do not fulfil our obligations as per the written words, we could be punished by the law of the land. But when we break someone’s trust, our own conscience would haunt us for the rest of life. This, perhaps, is the premise on which all human relations thrive. In the final analysis, papers may bind people, but trust binds souls.

Magical Mornings

There is something magical about mornings. If reading a poem about the morning's glory could calm a turbulent mind, what would be the real experience of getting up before sunrise and walking into the dawn.

First college, and then work always started in the early hours of the day, forcing me to forsake the bed while it was still dark. I used to hate getting up so early. But now, I am grateful. My parents insisted on my studying in the morning hours without explaining why. I still don’t know the reasons, but almost always found solutions to intriguing problems in the early hours of the dawn. There must be something magical about mornings.

With rested body, fresh mind, clean air, silent environment, dewy surroundings and lifting darkness one can easily slip into contemplative mood and tap on to the nature’s infinite hidden resources. The thoughts that we begin our day with cast powerful influence on whatever happens during the day. The magic created by the morning flows through the day.

Demystifying Depression

Dictionary meaning of ‘depression’ is: a state of low spirits or feeling low, which clearly suggests that it does not occur in physical body. It is a deeper psychic condition resulting from still deeper and subtle phenomenon. Consequently, no cure is possible at the level of physical body. And yet, we resort to pills, whenever feeling depressed, without realising their zero effects on the root cause and disastrous side-effects on the body.

It is true that our expectations from life have exponentially increased in modern times. Many of these expectations are unrealistic or even contradictory. While unrealistic expectations remain unfulfilled, contradictory expectations pull us in opposite directions. Both the conditions produce internal stress, which could result in depression.

Life seems worthless only when there is no meaning to living. A meaningful purpose would give a direction to the life. And, when we know the final goal, it is not so difficult to filter-out numerous thoughts that would have given rise to unrealistic or unnecessary expectations – not in line with the goal. Thus controlling and directing every thought against the backdrop of life’s chosen mission, one may keep the depression absolutely at bay.

A meaningful ‘Purpose’ in life, not the ‘Pill’, is what one needs to fight ‘depression’.

Question of Equality

Those who talk of men-women equality make two vital assumptions:

• Women are a weaker sex;
• Both men and women are of the same kind and hence can be compared.

In my opinion, both of these assumptions are wrong. The very fact that life is conceived, nurtured and brought into this world by a woman, despite the unbearable pain of delivery, proves that women are much stronger than men. Additionally, the physical and mental constructs of both men and women are fundamentally different, thus putting them into dissimilar categories. Comparing men with women is like comparing apples with oranges.

Both men and women possess unique qualities that complement each other. It is nature’s grand plan to maintain the difference between Yin and Yang so that the world can survive as a whole. And, it is our obligation to respect this difference and stop comparing the incomparable but equally beautiful creations of God.

Spirit of Generosity

At the onset of the holy month of Ramadan, I thought of posting one of my earlier letter published in the local newspaper more than three years ago. Here it goes:

Every society and every religion speaks about the benevolence of giving. According to Holy Koran, “Prayer comes half way to God, fasting brings us to the door of His palace and alms giving procures us admission.”

And, yet each one of us has his/her own understanding of “giving”. Some do it to gain recognition; some others do it to gain personal favours; and still some others do it purely in form of a business transaction. Hardly anyone does it unconditionally. Joseph Kasper Lavater says, “The manner of giving shows the character of the giver than the gift itself.” It is often said that your left hand should not know what your right hand has given. One does not have to be rich to give. With the spirit of true generosity, even a pauper can give like a prince. I was touched by the following story of a boy demonstrating this spirit of true generosity:

“I once went to see a Circus with my father. Ahead of us in the queue was a family of six – parents and four young children – all excited. When they reached the window, the counter man told the proud father that their six tickets would cost $40. Hearing this, the man’s jaws dropped as he fumbled with only three $10 notes in his hand. However, oblivious of this development, children were playing excitedly. With the certainty of ending their excitement pre-maturely, blood drained out of that man’s face. At this instant, my father dropped a $10 note on the ground and tapped on that man’s shoulder saying, “This has dropped out of your pocket.” That man squeezed my father’s hand in silent gratitude as we left the queue.

Having parted with the only money my father had, we returned without watching the circus. But, what I had seen would remain with me for the rest of my life.”

True Wealth

When we think of 'wealth', we only think of 'money'. So much so that in modern times money has become the barometer of success. We are ready to sacrifice everything in the pursuit of money. Last night, I happened to listen to a recorded talk by Bhupendra Bhai Pandya, who discussed 'what is true wealth' quoting from works of the legendry Raja Bharthari (Ruler of Ujjain, India, around 5th Century). I wish to capture and share the essence of his enlightening talk in this posting.

There are nine types of 'wealth' in the world. One who possesses all of them is the most fortunate person. These nine types of wealth are:

1. Cultured Children

• Research by the Sociologists and Psychologists all over the world has revealed that a ‘boy’ loves his mother but imitates his father and a ‘girl’ loves her father but imitates her mother.
• Children don’t do what their parents tell them to do. They do what parents themselves do.
• Children, from very early age, are most alert in observing their parents’ behavior. However, they look for consistency in any behavior and eventually imitate such consistent conduct in their own lives when they grow.
• Consequently, parents should themselves live a cultured life consistently in order to have cultured children.

2. Beloved Wife

• You marry a girl, not a wife. This girl should subsequently be transformed into a ‘wife’. It is a life-long effort.
• Physical attraction would disappear soon after marriage. But, mutual understanding is the ‘glue’ that grows with time and keeps the marriage intact. Indeed, it makes your wife beloved in due course of time.
• You must continuously make effort towards developing this understanding. Every encounter, whether pleasant or unpleasant, must lead to a deeper mutual understanding.

3. Happy-faced Husband

• When husband returns home with a long face, the entire atmosphere of the home becomes tense. This causes adverse impact on the wife and children. Such homes can never enjoy life’s happiness, no matter how much money they may have.
• Just as you don’t take home’s tension to your work while meeting your clients or boss, try leaving behind the work’s tension also at work. Force a smile on your face, if have to, while returning home.
• No problem is big enough for a family which lives in the oasis of a happy home.

4. Affectionate Friend

• True friend is one who sees your enormous fault as a mole and even a small goodness in you as a huge plus. He trusts your integrity and goodness.
• A true friend may not be by your side when you are celebrating, but he will never leave your side when you are in any trouble.
• A true friend is one to whom you can confide your secrets.
• We cannot choose our relatives, but we can certainly choose our friends. Even one true friend is enough as a great wealth.

5. Trustworthy Co-workers or Employees

• Your work is a pleasure, when you are surrounded with trustworthy people. An environment of mistrust saps your energy and happiness.
• People don’t work for money alone. How they are treated at work matters most.

6. Mind without worries

• The most effective means of keeping the mind free from worries is to keep constant company of ‘good’ literature and people (also called ‘sat sang’, literally meaning company of that which is eternal truth).
• Avoid those who indulge in loose talk and gossip. Such people fill your mind with negativity without your knowledge.

7. Pleasant Personality

• Having a beautiful or handsome body is not a guarantee of having a pleasant personality.
• Your personality becomes pleasant only when you radiate warmth of genuine love towards others around you, whether or not you possess a beautiful or handsome body.
• Everyone enjoys the company of those having pleasant personalities and despise those who don’t, despite their having the most beautiful or handsome bodies.

8. Steady wealth

• A river flooding your home is of no use to you, despite giving you enormous amount of water. On the other hand, a water-well near your home is your life-line, despite having limited water quantity but a steady supply of water whenever you need.
• Similarly, pursue that profession that provides a steady income. Don’t look forward to getting a windfall of money. It could be a source of misery for you.

9. Face glowing with Knowledge

• Knowledge is not what you read. It is merely information.
• True knowledge is what you gain as a result of applying that information into practice.
• Such knowledge makes your face glow with confidence and humility. People are naturally drawn towards such faces.

Question of Ethics

According to G. E. Moore (“Principia Ethica”, 1903), 'Ethics' is a systematic science of giving correct reasons for thinking that this or that is ‘good’. He further explains that ‘good’ is a simple notion, just as ‘yellow’ is a simple notion. Both ‘yellow’ and ‘good’ are notions of that simple kind, out of which other definitions are composed and which themselves cannot be further defined. Just as you cannot, by any manner or means, explain to anyone who does not already know it, 'what yellow is', so you cannot explain 'what good is'. Such is the dilemma of defining what is good or ethics.

Notwithstanding the above, ethics is important for human existence. We must remember that we are all inter-connected in the universe. A ‘good’ or ‘bad’ act by one will eventually affect all (including oneself) — now as well as in the future. What goes round comes around. Ethics, in this context, is beyond the laws of land and accepted traditions & norms of different societies. It is individual and self-imposed. It is directly proportional to one's internal (spiritual) development.

Perhaps, the following self-enquiries may help in establishing whether we are acting (and hence living) ethically:

• Do I wish others to do the same things to me as I wish to do to them?
• Will I proudly face my mother after performing the task I am about to undertake?
• Will I be able to proudly declare later to my children what I am about to do?
• Will I be able to sleep peacefully tonight after performing this task?

Why fear Death?

Death is the only certain thing in life. Death is also unknown for those who are still living. Why, then, the fear of death is considered the ultimate fear? What is in death that is so scary? Since no one knows for sure what happens in death or thereafter, it must be something other than death that we fear. Could it be the loss of 'opportunity to live' that we fear most?

Life, indeed, happens to us while we are busy making plans for the future. We keep searching for that illusive contentment through worldly possessions and running after borrowed dreams. We hardly live in the present where life is pulsating in glorious colours.

We miss it every moment and hence remain hungry for the life. We also know that the end can come anytime unannounced. The thought that we may die without fully living the life, generates fear of death. How much we enjoy what we have is more important than how much we have. Imagine someone always living in the present. Death for him will be a welcome rest. In this context, I am reminded of Stephen Levine’s powerful quotation:

“If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call to make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?”

Power of Emotions

Our emotions have power to either catapult us to the greatest height of human evolution or plunge into the darkest pit of destruction. A tiny thought may convert into a powerful desire which may go through subsequent modifications and lead to a variety of other emotions. The Indian celestial song, "Bhagavad Gita" explains how emotions undergo vaious modifications (2nd chapter, verses 62-63). I present below my humble attempt to depict this roller-coaster of emotions in form of a flow-chart:

At Loggerheads

On the eve of Independence Days for both India and Pakistan, I wish to reproduce my letter to a local newspaper published a couple of years back:

‘A GLIMPSE of the past’ by Irfan Husain (KT, Jan 5, 2007) highlighted an important aspect in relation to India and Pakistan. Both countries share the same history, which is the sum total of their traditions, cultures, languages etc. Why, then, are both the countries at loggerheads with each other since the Partition in 1947? Why can’t they live like two brothers who decided to quit the sanctuary of a joint family for maintaining greater peace between each other? Are we focusing more on our differences than our similarities? Who does not have differences? And, can’t we use our differences to complement our strengths and cover our weaknesses? I am reminded of the following Ghazal by the famous poet, Ali Sardar Jaffery, which echoes my views:

“Ghulam tum bhi thhe yaaron,
ghulam ham bhi thhe
Naha ke khoon mein aayi thi fasle azadi
Maza to tab tha ki milkar ilaaj-e- jaan karte
Khud apne haath se taameer-e-gulistaan karte
Hammare dard mein tum,
aur tumhare dard mein ham Shareek hote to jashne aashiyaan karte
Tum aao gulshan-e-Lahore se chaman bardosh
Hum ayen subhe Banaras ki roshni lekar
Himalaye ki hawaaon ki taazgi lekar
Aur iske baad ye punchhen kaun dushman hai.”

(You and me shed our blood for this freedom; and together we could have strived for common cures. Together… laid our gardens and shared our sorrows; and together celebrated our joys. You bring the breeze from the gardens of Lahore, we come from Banares with the light of its fabled dawn, with freshness of the winds of the eternal Himalayas, and ask of the other, who is the enemy?…)

Life is like Tea

I wish to share the following story received through an email from a friend:

A professor in an American university called his final year students for a farewell tea party at his home. Since the students were too many, he brought out all sorts of cups and mugs he could find in his house along with the tea and asked the students to help themselves. When everyone settled with a cup or mug in his/her hand, he asked them to analyse their feelings. He asked, "Is it not that all of you wanted to pick-up the most expensive cups? Those who got the expensive ones felt proud and those, who had to settle for cheaper cups/mugs, felt disappointed and jealous of the others. Even now, is it not that you are eyeing each other's cups? And yet, you came here to enjoy tea, which is same in every cup/mug. Most importantly, you will leave behind the cups for which you spoiled the enjoyment of tea."

Life is like tea continuously being served in a variety of pots -- name, fame, position, possessions, etc. We spend the whole life running after them, while missing to enjoy the very life contained in them. Every atom in the universe is pulsating with the same life. We can enjoy it here and now through whatever we have at present.

The Child is the father of the Man

When William Wordsworth wrote the above quote, he must have meant that the seeds of an adult’s personality are sown in the childhood. Consequently, a great deal of responsibilities falls on parents’ shoulders to properly groom their child.

I am reminded of a story. A man was watching the wonderful emergence of a butterfly from the skin of a caterpillar. Seeing the butterfly’s struggle to break out of the tight skin, he decided to help. He tore open the skin making it easier for the butterfly to come out. However, on emergence, the butterfly fell on the ground fluttering its wings in vain. His kindness killed the creature that could have mesmerised the world with its beauty. Nature has its own design to prepare every creature for its survival in the world. The butterfly’s struggle was the process of strengthening the wings.

Similarly, every child must grow through a process of struggle at every stage. It struggles to breathe soon after the birth. It struggles to turn when curious of its surroundings. It struggles to walk when fired with the desire of reaching for tempting objects. The journey goes on until obsessive parents interrupt it with their excessively caring approach. Perhaps, the hyper parenting has more to do with parents’ needs to feel important than it does with their child’s needs. Besides, how long parents can be around to provide protection? It is necessary to protect a sapling from the attacks of harsh weather. It is also desirable to provide support when the plant is growing. But, the protective support must be gradually withdrawn as the plant grows in its size and strength. Nature knows how to protect. Let’s give enough breathing space and elbow room to our children so that they may spread their wings fully, while we are still around, and soar high in the sky later.

Driving reveals true Personality

A person carries two personalities — one that he really is and the other that he wishes to show in society. In face-to-face transactions, he behaves the way society demands in order to protect his reputation. However, in a car, he becomes faceless — as if wearing a mask. Then, inhibitions are dropped and the real nature manifests itself in driving. We can easily spot these varying human natures in form of cars on the road — impatient, short-tempered, ill-mannered and bullying cars in contrast to gentle, well-mannered and courteous cars.

I wonder how one would drive, if his/her picture is displayed on the outside.

Fame Mentality

There was a time when people used to buy what they needed, when they needed and what they could afford. But, now we wish to buy anything that catches our fancy. Flames of desires are fanned by the incessant onslaught of eye-catching ads. What appears as a mere sight in an ad one moment becomes ‘must-have’ the very next moment. We change things even before the end of their useful lives. Shopping is no longer buying what we need, but a form of entertainment for which no money is enough. If we look around in our homes, we would surely spot so many things that we never seriously needed. What has caused such a change in our mentality? Are we happier than before?

Most of us have now acquired ‘fame mentality.’ We see a celebrity sporting a dress or an accessory and we start seeing ourselves in them. We want to remain in fashion, which is changing faster than our earning capacities. We ‘somehow’ pay for all these and take prides in being part of ‘high society.’ We never realise that no model pay for what they sport. We also fail to see that anything worn by them would look attractive, thanks to their well-managed physiques. But, is the same thing true with our physical constructs? And, what about our happiness?

The secret of happiness lies in managing desires, not in pampering and purposelessly pursuing them. But for this, one has to have a meaningful purpose in life. Desires would then get a direction and transform into real needs. Then, life can be lived based on ‘needs’ for a purpose giving happiness in the process. Then, whatever you do would become ‘fashion’ for the rest. The bare footed famous painter - M. F. Hussain - is the modern day evidence of this fact.

Conscience Calling

There was a person who ran over a cat while driving. However, he stopped, carried the dead body to a nearby bush, covered it with some dead leaves and said a silent prayer for its soul. Treating even a cat’s death as no less than a human death was his way of responding to his conscience’s call.

Conscience is like a mariner’s compass — always pointing towards that which is ‘right’. We all carry this ‘conscience.’ Yet, while some of us hardly even recognise its presence, some ignore its calling and some rare ones respond. It appears that such differences have something to do with our 'selfishness'.

Some of us are so busy with our selfish gratifications that nothing else exists beyond our own interests. Conscience does not bother such people. Then, there are those who accept the presence of others, but attempt to fulfil their own interests even at the cost of other’s interests. Such people often ignore their conscience’s calls. Rare indeed are those who always put others’ interests first. Conscience appears to support every act of such individuals. They are always at peace with themselves.

Randy Pausch: The Last Lecture

Recently, a dear friend sent me the link to this video (http://blip.tv/file/470585).

Randy Pausch was the professor of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon University. He pioneered research in linking Art with Computer Science. He introduced innovative courses and became the role model for entire teaching faculty in USA by imparting knowledge in the most entertaining ways. Pausch learned that he had pancreatic cancer, a terminal illness, in September of 2006. On September 18, 2007, Carnegie Mellon invited him to deliver this "Last Lecture". He died on July 25, 2008.

In this "Last Lecture", Pausch talks about how he fulfilled his childhood dreams, how he helped others fulfil their childhood dreams and what he learnt in life along the way. This video is deeply moving and enlightening.

While watching this video, I jotted down the following "Head Fakes" (Paush's indirect learnings):

1. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted.
2. Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things.
3. Wait long enough and people will surprise you and impress you.
4. Decide if you're Tigger (Happy) or Eeyore (Sad).
5. Never lose child-like wonder.
6. Help others.
7. Loyalty is a two-way street.
8. If you are a girl and if a boy is attracted towards you, then ignore what he says and only pay attention to what he does to know his genuinity.
9. Never give-up.
10. You can't get there alone. This is how you can get people to help you:
    · Believe in Karma (What goes round, comes around)
    · Tell the truth.
    · Be earnest.
    · Apologise when you screw up.
    · Focus on others, not yourself.
11. Get a feedback-loop; and listen to it.
12. Show gratitude, where it is due.
13. Don’t complain; just work harder.

Following are Pausch's Important Advices:

• Be good at something; it makes you valuable.
• Work hard...People would ask, "What is your secret?"
• Find the best in everybody; no matter how long you have to wait for them to show it.
• Be prepared: "Luck" is where preparation meets opportunity.

Old is Gold

Of course, there are some who simply age and don’t grow. They don’t learn from their lives and cannot offer anything back to the society. But, for the majority who enter old age, it is a graceful transition. What they say is not only tried and tested but also what they have already lived. They may often sound rude because they don’t care about getting recognition or anything else in return any more. They no longer pretend and play games. They speak their minds like children do. But, what they say is, in no way, ‘childish’. They have a lot to return to the society. It will be a grave mistake to let this pool of wisdom die un-utilised.

Will Durant says, “(Alas!) If youth had wisdom of the old and the old had energy of the youth, then the world would have been a heaven.” A car needs both the ‘accelerator’ and the ‘brake’ for its safe journey. Similarly, society needs both the ‘youth’ (providing energy) and the ‘old’ (providing wisdom) for its peace and progress. We can certainly bridge the generation gap if youth respects and seeks ‘wisdom’ from the old and the old believes in the ‘energy’ of the ‘youth’.

My humble advice to the children and adult is to not miss any opportunity of learning from the older generations whether at home or at work. What you learn from them is not theoretical; it is down-right applicable to your own lives. It is a bit like the relay race in which the older generation passes on the baton of experience to the younger generation in keeping the race for progress going.